The Three Stooges Godzilla: Tanks For The Memories
by Japan Boy
Summary: 1 of 4 stories in honor of Godzilla's 60th year: the city of Cannabeer, P.U. is invaded by Godzilla & Anguirus, & it's up to Moe, Larry & Curly to save it using the Army's new Secret weapon - the Eureka 6 & 7/8s. Can three entertainers defeat two of the world's most dangerous monsters? Why soitenly! Please review if read.


For actors Paul Ben-Victor, Evan Handler, John Kassir, Michael Chiklis, Laurence Coy & Peter Callan, for their

portrayals of Moe, Larry, Shemp, Curly, Joe Besser & Joe DeRita in James Frawley's 2000 Stooges Biopic film.

For actors Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes & Will Sasso, for their portrayals of Moe, Larry &

Curly in the 2012 hit comedy film 'The Three Stooges' directed by Bobby & Peter Farrelly.

To the ever-loving memory of the real six Stooges (Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard, Shemp Howard,

Joe Besser & 'Curly Joe' DeRita), whose slapstick comedy antics have continued to make us laugh since their

debut appearance to the world beginning in 1925, & going well into the 21st Century & beyond.

**THE THREE STOOGES / GODZILLA:**

**TANKS FOR THE MEMORIES**

2004, 2014 by Anthony Ogozalek

**CHAPTER I**

_The open ocean, midnight:_

For once, the night on the ocean was clear of clouds & the waters were balmy & relaxed as a lone fishing boat makes its final rounds, with crew members stowing away fishing gear & their catches all but ready to call it a day & hit the sack to start afresh when the sun rises once more. A month & a half the men were out at sea, & they were each showing signs of dismal behavior, having not been to land in that period of time & away from their loved ones much too long. They rejoiced when told earlier that they would be reporting back ashore first thing in the morning, & this news filled them with glee & bliss, happy to rush back home to their families who were undoubtedly waiting for their husbands to return into their loving arms.

This singular fishing boat had its name stenciled in large black letters upon its sides:

**THE AIGET SEASICK**

A rather large fishing vessel, it measured an impressive sixty feet from bow to stern with a width of thirty feet. In some standards, it wasn't as big as some other fishing ships that have ventured out into the open seas, but it was more than capable of carrying more than its fair share of cargo it captures from the ocean waters. And what a cargo it's caught during its run: the hold was filled with all kinds of fish & other sea life, including shrimp, lobsters/crabs, mussels, & so forth. Large cranes with nets attached – four on each side – were used to bring their haul in, getting vast catches on every castaway made. This vessel has been one of the main suppliers of seafood for the city for a good number of years, & it has never disappointed with what they take home in all the years it's been out at sea.

This voyage will be no exception.

Although most of the crew have retired to bed fifteen minutes ago, the captain's cabin was still lively with activity as he & his first mate were enjoying an exciting game of blackjack at the table on the east wall of the room, with the captain gaining the upper hand as evidenced by the amount of coins on his side, clearly a larger bundle than what his first mate was raking in. The Captain was a nice burly but well-shaped man in his forties with a black beard that was neatly trimmed to distinguish him from looking too much like Santa Claus. His left arm was in a sling after a battle out at sea with a three-foot Great White shark. He can recall it even now as he played the game: it was only during his last outing before this one (this time on a date with his sweetheart in a regular rowboat), when he came face-to-face with the small but lethal killer of the ocean. In the heat of battle, the shark bit down hard on the Captain's arm & punctured the muscles in the joint, making it numb. He would've been killed that day were it not for his fast reflexes & quick thinking: prying off the beast's jaws with a heavy sledgehammer, the shark was about to bite down on him again, when the Captain raised his injured arm & the killer fish took a few sniffs of his underarm. Those few sniffs were all it took, & the shark swam away in full retreat, bawling & whimpering back out to sea. As the Captain & his woman – a pretty blonde with luscious lips – wondered why it took off so suddenly, & took a whiff of his armpit in unison. The stench hit them just as hard, & they went stiff & collapsed themselves within their boat & were knocked out for an hour before resuming their way home.

When they made it back, his girlfriend asked him to take a long shower, which he did.

The Captain wondered if the shark that bit him still lived or died after taking a whiff of his armpit.

He shrugged the memory off, not concerned with such trivia.

Undaunted by it, he continued playing the game with his first mate who laid down his cards.

"Here you are, Captain – twenty", the first mate said, laying his cards down face up: a ten of spades & a ten of diamonds. "What do _you _have? Anything good?"

A look of worry was stenciled on the man's face.

"See for yourself, son", the Captain said, laying down his own hand: a ten of clubs & an ace of hearts. His facial expression changed to that from gloom to happiness. "Read 'em & weep! I win again! Come to papa!"

With a slight laugh, the Captain reaches out with his good arm & collects the prize money laid out in the middle of the table, sliding it all over to his end.

The first mate shook his head in dismay & disappointment.

"That makes it _ten times _now, Captain!", he said, tossing his losing hand down. "You obviously have the luck of the devil to win this many times! I haven't won _once _since we started! Tell me…what's your secret?"

"There's no secret _to _tell", the Captain replied. "My winning this many times isn't based on luck at all – I just simply know the game. Been playing cards since my early teens, so I'm familiar with all the tricks of the trade, as it were."

"So _that's _it", the first mate said with a sigh.

"Hey, don't sound so glum, my friend", the Captain said kindly. "Listen: once we get back to port, drinks will be all on me. As soon as we get our dough for this grand haul, I'm buying!"

That perked his first mate up immediately, & a smile was plastered on his face in nothing flat.

"Now _that's _what I call a _win_, Captain!", he said proudly. "How nice it'll be back home & hit all the saloons again! Wait'll I tell the boys – they'll be _thrilled!_"

"And how! But for me, it's _more _than just the drinks to come home to – it's my fiancé!", the Captain informs. "In the month-&-a-half we've been out on this boat, not a day goes by that she isn't on my mind. How wonderful it will be to get back to her again."

"She sure is a beauty, Captain! When's the big day arriving?"

"Sooner than you think. We're getting hitched when we return to port! _That's _what the drinks will be _for!_"

"I'll certainly drink to _that!_"

The Captain & first mate share a laugh before toasting with a glass of bourbon on each of their right.

"You're so lucky, Captain, & in more ways than one", the first mate said.

"Lucky in more ways than one? How so?", the Captain asked.

"Well, it's like this: I had a friend who was supposed to be engaged & hitched himself to a very pretty dame…that is, until things went south."

"What happened?"

"Get this: just two weeks before their wedding, he was in an accident while riding his motorcycle & got the same injury you did. When his fiancé found out, she went into a fitting rage with him, so therefore she broke it off."

"The engagement?"

"That, _and _the arm."

"Oh."

The Captain was about to take another sip of his bourbon when the realization had suddenly struck him, & his face contorted into that of shock & surprise as he stared at his first mate before doing so to his injured arm. Then he didn't feel so thirsty, & placed his drink down next to him without a sound.

_Yes, I suppose I _am _rather lucky, at that!_, he thought, caressing his arm like he would a pet.

At his door, where his name was also stenciled with black letters – Captain Wottacatch – came an abrupt knock from a slim fisherman with an even thinner mustache above his lip. He was panting nervously, & it was from more than his running.

"Enter", the Captain beckoned, & the man did.

"Captain! We've got a problem!", he stated.

"A problem? What kind?"

"One of our companion vessels, the Blow Me Down, got itself into a heap of trouble!"

The Captain & first mate looked at each other for a few seconds, then began to laugh.

"Captain…?", the man said, confused.

"I wouldn't worry too much about _them_, son", the Captain said, his face still smiling like his first mate's. "Don't forget: _that _ship is commanded by a man who's mostly nothing more than a great big windbag! Plus, they're _always _getting themselves in a heap of trouble! I'll bet they're snagged onto a whale, & it's taking them for a swim all across the ocean as we speak!"

The Captain punctuated his statement with a wink, & he & his first mate laughed again.

"No, Captain – it isn't that! You don't seem to understand, sir – their vessel was _attacked!_"

The man's statement ceased the laughing, & the smiles from the Captain & first mate disappeared. Both their faces now displayed serious expressions.

"Attacked? Are you certain about that, sailor?", the first mate asks.

"Yes sir!", the man said. "Radio announcements say that they were about to report the attack when they were suddenly hit by an unknown & unseen enemy traveling underwater just before they surfaced & sank their ship! This happened about half an hour ago! We just received the news over the radio only _two_ minutes ago!"

"Nobody knows what hit them?"

"No sir – transmissions were cut off before a full report could be sent!"

Captain Wottacatch was perplexed by this news, aside from being devastated. His ship & the Blow Me Down were always in competition with each other to see who can bag the most seafood for the mainland, but they were always on friendly terms. And it worried him good: his rival's ship was slightly larger than his own, & was similarly built to withstand even the roughest storms out at sea. No animal that lived in the ocean where they fished could come close to putting so much as a dent in either of their vessels, with the possible exceptions of the blue whale & perhaps the giant squids that live near the ocean bottom. But from what they know, neither lived in the vicinity of where they do business, so an animal attack was out of the question.

But _what_, then, could have caused the Blow Me Down to be badly damaged & dragged under the waves? A foreign submarine left over from the Second World War that wished for revenge after their defeat? It's possible: as the war ended, things didn't settle down right away when the Axis Powers were beaten, & there were no doubt those who felt cheated like Hitler did after Germany's defeat in World War I. It was all the reason they needed to show their distaste & displeasure against the Allied Nations.

It was understandable, to a degree.

This, though, felt more than just a deliberate retaliation, & it left the Captain nervous: if something can bring down a sizeable vessel like the Blow Me Down without too much difficulty, then the Aiget Seasick would stand very little to no chance against it.

He was about to speak when a second seaman, a more built one, entered the room at a rush.

"What is it now?", asked the Captain.

"Captain, the radar just picked up two large objects heading our way, & they're coming in _fast!_", the second man said.

"What are? A pair of whales?"

The man shook his head hurriedly.

"No sir! They're _too big _to be whales, & they aren't slowing down! If they continue on their present course, they'll ram us & sink our ship!"

_Just like what happened to the Blow Me Down, no doubt!_, the Captain thought with dread.

"What are we _dealing _with, Captain?", asked the first mate with worry on his face.

"Whatever it may be, we're not going to stick around to find out!", he said, facing the two seamen. "Boys, go to the engine room & tell the pilot to get us moving far away from here immediately! We're not waiting for morning to get back home!"

"Right away, Captain!", the men said & saluted in a simultaneous manner. Just as they did, a low creaking which rose slowly but surely echoed throughout the ship & was also felt by those aboard. No one made a sound or even breathed as the creaking increased & became closer, rising in pitch as it did. This long tense moment was at last shattered when the ship struck something large & did a full 180 degree turn, shaking the entire vessel & rudely arousing the other men from their slumber as they crashed violently to the floor, crying out in despair & surprise.

It was flowed by klaxons blaring all over, drowning out mostly everything else. They ceased after a full thirty seconds, then all became mostly quiet.

Mostly.

"Hey Captain – do you hear that?", the first mate said in a whisper-like voice. The Captain & the other men stayed silent to hear the sound of churning water outside the ship, followed by something else.

_Two _something elses, & they didn't sound like anything that was human. Even inside the sound-resistant confinement of the vessel, the men can hear a pair of sounds which resembled a thunderous boom, while the other was more like a barking honk. Different as they were, they're even louder than their klaxons.

Afraid as they are, the Captain & his crew needed to see what caused those sounds (& struck their vessel), & they raced outside to get the best view. What they were staring at made their eyes go wide & their jaws dropped. As still as statues, the sight was as unbelievable as that of the first atomic bomb going off in Hiroshima on August 6 of 1945. In the water only a hundred yards before them were a pair of gigantic prehistoric monsters which were shown from the waist up, doing vicious battle with each other, raking, clawing, slashing & biting one another, their actions causing the water beneath them to churn its whitest with the waves rocking the Aiget Seasick violently, forcing the men to grab the railing lest they fall overboard into the sea. But their eyes hardly ever left the impossible sight they bore witness to: the first creature resembled something of a Tyrannosaurus but much larger, with a barrel-like chest which ported two long & powerful forearms & four-fingered hands, each ending in a sharp claw. A long & thick pipe-like neck supported a dinosaurian head with a mouth full of sharp teeth. Running down its back were three rows of large spiked dorsal plates; the middle row produced the largest. Its adversary was a little smaller but no less dangerous or feisty: this creature highly resembled the dinosaur Ankylosaurus, for it had a hard shell covering its back, with sharp spikes sticking outward all over it. Like its foe, this beast had long, powerful forearms & deadly four-fingered hands. A row of spikes curved upwards behind its head, & a short stub of a pointed horn was placed at the tip of its long crocodile-like snout. Its mandibles had sharp teeth, with two front fangs longer than the rest. This beast unleashed its blaring honk as it fought its larger enemy, & the sound was as boisterous as before to the men, who had to cover their ears to block out the noise.

It hardly helped, & the other creature's roar was even louder.

Watching the battle with the rest of his crew, the Captain gets a startling realization which shocks him more than seeing the fight itself, having seem awfully familiar to him & hearing stories about these dueling monsters from the Mesozoic Era in Earth's history.

_Godzilla & Anguirus!_, the Captain thought dreadfully. _It _can't _be – they're supposed to be _dead_, according to the reports! Hell, they should never have existed in the _first _place!_

Even if it was impossible for him & his crew to be seeing this, the indisputable evidence was right in their faces, & the one with the large dorsal plates – Godzilla – lights them up to unleash a ray of blue-white flame from his mouth to strike at Anguirus, hitting him between the neck & shoulder. The spiked creature bellowed a roar of pain & it smoked where he was struck, but it hardly slowed him down: submerging beneath the water to douse his hot burning wound, Anguirus stayed under for about ten seconds before resurfacing again with a large splash which hit the Aiget Seasick, drenching the Captain & his crew, nearly throwing them overboard. Godzilla, unprepared by the abrupt move, was assaulted again as Anguirus charged head-on into his chest, raking & biting more vehemently than before. The churning of the water was at its roughest yet, & both creature's tails were thrashing around in & out of the drink, sending more splashing on the vessel.

Keeping their balance as best they could, the Captain & his men were now looking at a sight that made their hearts palpitate madly: Godzilla & Anguirus were getting closer to their ship, & their tails were just above their heads, ready to come literally crashing down to smash.

It was this that urged the men to get themselves moving.

"_All hands, abandon ship!_", the Captain bellowed, getting the exact reaction he wanted even before he gave the order. Like a wild bull stampede, the Captain & his men raced for the rear of the vessel & crashed right through the railing barrier & out into the water, skimming across it on top like it was cement. Seconds after all the men were off the boat, Godzilla & Anguirus came crashing down upon it with their full weight & broke it in two, spilling its contents back underneath the waves.

Not one man looked back to see their ship go under like the Titanic; they were too busy running away on the water's surface.

_I want my mommy!_, thought one man.

_A mere buck-fifty an hour?! They don't pay me _enough _for this!_, thought another.

_I should've enlisted in a _safer _occupation – like the Bomb Squad!_, thought a third.

_I need a _beer _– a whole _keg _of it!_, thought the Captain.

The men raced across the ocean's surface, screaming like banshees…or little girls.

After _this _little fishing trip, they could _all _use a whole keg!

**CHAPTER II**

_5:30 a.m.:_

In this time of the year, the sun was up & about at this point of morning, & already a good portion of the city's populace were up & about, getting themselves ready to face the day ahead. So far, the area most teeming with life are at the fishing docks over at the western edge of town, with men preparing their boats with fishing gear, bait & whatever else they may need on their voyages to bring fresh seafood back. The city itself is a mere island though a sizeable one, making it nearly as big as that of New York's Manhattan or even identical. The only way in or out of the city (by automobiles) is a large eight-lane bridge on the northern part that connects to the mainland. Two other bridges connected themselves to twin lone islands over on the west coast of town, & is also the only way to be to & from these isles.

Over the main bridge, a large sign hung twenty feet up from the asphalt. Embedded on it is the name of the city in large letters:

**WELCOME TO THE CITY OF**

**CANNABEER, P.U.**

**MAYOR: GOODEN PLASTERED**

**CHIEF OF STAFF: STIFIZA BORD**

**POPULATION: VARIOUS**

The city got its name simply because it's one of the largest drinking centers in all the world, comparing it to Ireland itself. It is also a gigantic supplier of seafood, hence the vast fishing outposts & vessels that travel through the waters to obtain their catch of sustenance. Needless to say, these people work around the clock to supply the city with its regular dose of marine delicacy, day & night. People everywhere, even outsiders, enjoy a nice cold one with their meals of crab, lobster, fish, shrimp & anything else they manage to snag during their trips out. It is said that seafood tastes & washes down better with a mug of booze, & this major metropolitan area gives that new meaning.

On this morning at the main bridge, people were crossing in & out: some were heading out, others in. Two of those many people heading in – two men – were having a slight argument with each other. The first one was tall & dressed in a black suit, shoes & tie. His stylish hair was also black, & his eyes shone an oceanic blue. His partner also had black hair but was shorter & more rotund, wearing a gray suit, shoes & brown tie which matched his eyes.

"How could you have not _told _me that our drinks were spiked the other night, Lou?!", the tall one said. "It's why we were kicked out of last night's gala at the hotel, not to mention the building itself! Do you realize we had to go _way _over 30 miles just to find another place to stay for the night because of you?! What's the _matter _with you?!"

"I'm sorry, Bud", Lou said in an apologetic voice. "I'm a _baaaaaaad _boy sometimes. How was _I _to know that I tossed in hot sauce into the drink instead of more whiskey? All I wanted to do was to give the beer a little more kick to it like a mule, since it tasted stale."

"A _mule?! _I'd say it kicked more like a _jackass! _Which makes sense, since _you're _the culprit!"

"_Hey!_", Lou said, getting in Bud's face. "Even if I _am _guilty of last night's atrocity, I _forbid _you to speak about my family in such a manner! It's an insult to all the _other _jackasses in my tree!"

Bud rolled his eyes.

"Come on, you! We're heading back to the Hotel Costa Plente & _explain _this misunderstanding! And if we're lucky, they won't charge us extra for _your _slip-up! I also don't want any _more _trouble out of you, as you've caused plenty! Now _march!_", Bud said, grabbing Lou by his shoulder & roughly taking him across the bridge into town, with Lou protesting all the way.

That's when _another _pair of men – _also _one burly, one thin – were arguing at the entrance. The burly one was attired in black, complete with derby & small mustache. He was holding a cane with a curved handle in one hand. His partner's attire was gray, also with matching derby but no cane or mustache.

"And _this _time, Stan, _try _not to slip up in your duties like you did yesterday", the burly one said. "We've got _more _than enough complaints from our customers as it is!"

"But Ollie, I only did what you _asked _of me", said Stan. "You told me that a customer wanted a whole lobster for his dinner, & that's what I _served _him."

Ollie gave him a playful smile.

"And just _how _did you serve it to him?", he asked in the same manner. "Can you remember _that?_"

"Of course! You first told me to clean it, right?"

"Yes, & _then _what did you do with it?"

"Well, first I gave it a nice cold shower in the sink with some soap before rinsing it all off. Then I removed the rubber bands from its claws & placed it on the tray, ready to be served."

"Yes, & when the man lifted _up_ the cover, it _bit him_ – right on the nose! And do you know why?"

Stan shook his head.

"Because you forgot to _boil _it first! You're supposed to _boil_ lobsters & make sure they're _dead _before they can be served & _eaten!_", Ollie explained. "Don't you _know _that? You've only been on the job for a _year _now!"

"But Ollie…wouldn't that be _murder?_", Stan asked nervously.

"Not for seafood, it isn't! Or any _other _animals we get our daily sustenance from! Don't you know that mankind's been eating things from both land _and_ sea since our monkey ancestors did?"

"You ought to not insult our relatives like that, Ollie."

Ollie gave Stan a perplexing look.

"And why _shouldn't _I? That's how we started out on the evolutionary ladder!"

"Because then they won't come to the family reunions anymore if you do."

A look of oy was stamped on Ollie's face, & shook his head slightly in disbelief.

"_Just _make certain this time you prepare the food at the café _right _from this point on!", Ollie said firmly as he & Stan enter town across the bridge. "I don't want you getting us into _another _fine mess, _especially _with the Health Inspector paying us his monthly visit!"

As the two walk away, a quintet of men watch them go with something of confusion on their faces. The first man had a thick black mustache & eyebrows of the same magnitude & round spectacles over his eyes. His hair & suit were black, & a nice big lit cigar was clamped between his teeth. The second man was dressed in something of a working man's outfit, with a large net in one hand & a horn in the other. A top hat was adorned on top of his head, partly covering his short curly blonde hair. The words 'Dog Catcher' were stenciled on the front. The third man was attired in a brown suit, with slicked back hair. He was holding up a fourth man who was too intoxicated to stand on his own power. The fifth man wore a spiffy coat & pants, & his head sported a pointed Tyrolean hat. The one with the big black Mustache, eyebrows & cigar shook his head in dismay.

"Say, _whose _picture _is _this, anyway?", he says, removing his cigar & pretending to look at an audience. "The _next _thing you know, we're gonna see Miss Marilyn Monroe walking down this way on high heels in a colorful & shiny dress, causing heads to turn in her direction…not that there'd be anything _wrong _with that, mind you!"

His last statement made him wiggle his eyebrows in a flirting & playful motion, with a smile on his face.

Black Mustache suddenly saw something that caught his full attention. Three of the other men saw what it was he'd found, & smiles formed & grew huge as said person simply strolled down the road, wearing a bright & shiny yellow dress with high-heel shoes that clacked on the pavement as she walked. Her golden blonde hair sparkled as much as her dress did, & her lips & eyes were just as inviting. The Dog Catcher started honking his horn in rapid fashion, getting a smile from Miss Monroe as she approached the boys.

It was a smile that any man would die for!

"Good morning, gentlemen!", Marilyn Monroe said in a partly seductive tone as she strolled past them, adding a wink for extra flirt.

"Good _morning_, Miss Monroe!", the guys said in return, except for the drunk man & the Dog Catcher – the latter of whom is more or less mute & doesn't speak. He tried to follow her in an attempt to catch her in his net, but was stopped by Black Mustache.

"Boy, what an eye sore!", the one with the Tyrolean hat said in an Italian accent once she was out of range.

"Yeah, but don't forget – _I _saw her _first!_", Black Mustache said, wagging his eyebrows again.

"What a dish! I'll bet she'd be the best dinner date _to _date!"

"Not as good a dish as my wife, but she became a real _ham _on our _last_ outing! She does it again to me, it's _her _who's going to be bringing home the bacon!"

"I didn't see _nothin'!_", the drunk man said in a slurred voice.

"Ah, shut up! Who asked _you?_", Tyrolean said.

"You're just drunk & tired, old man. Why don't you go hail yourself a cab to take you home, then come back when you're feeling sober again?", Brown Suit said, letting the man go his way who stumbled in his walk.

"Yeah, go home & sober up! Then we can continue the cycle again tomorrow night!", Tyrolean said, facing his companions. "Remind me _not _to kill the cycle, no matter how vicious it may be!"

"You _better not _kill the cycle!", Black Mustache said. "I _need _it to get me to work each day since my _car's _in the shop! It's been there a _month _now!"

"An entire _month _in the shop? What's _wrong _with it?", asked Brown Suit.

"The carburetor needs carbs in its diet, the axle needs to spin again to cause day & night, the exhaust is all but exhausted & needs nourishment, & the only time the _brakes _work is when there's a _woman _around!"

A car passing by suddenly screeches on its brakes.

"There, you see? It sounds something like _that!_"

The screeching was followed by a pair of thumps: the first was of a man getting struck by the passing car, & the second was from that man hitting the ground where the four men were.

"No, I don't recall it sounding like _that_, though", Black Mustache went on. He then takes a look at the man who was struck, & they were all in surprise: it was that same man they sent on his way only moments ago. With the end of his net, the Dog Catcher pokes the guy a few times to get a reaction.

Nothing.

"What's _he _doin' back here? Hasn't he had enough for one night?", asked Black Mustache.

"No, boss. I think he's _dead_", said Tyrolean.

"I'll bet he's using that as an excuse!"

The Dog Catcher caught something on the road & honks his horn vehemently, pointing forward & getting the other's attention. When they see what he was pointing at, the men saw a disturbing sight: the car that hit & killed the drunken man was a _cop car!_

And there was a cop at the wheel, staring with a dropped jaw & eyes bulging at what just occurred.

"Fellas, something tells me that maybe we better vamoose outta here & take off!", Brown Suit said.

"Whaddya mean 'maybe'?! It's all for one, & every man for himself! Let's _split!_", Black Mustache said as he, Brown Suit & Tyrolean take off, leaving Dog Catcher behind.

"_Hey, you guys!_", the cop shouted, stepping out of his car. Dog Catcher began honking his horn in amusement when the cop fired two shots from his pistol. The first hit the man's horn & net in the middle, the bullet severing each in half. The other shot took off Dog Catcher's hat, who placed his hands on his now-bare head with a look of shock on his face.

"_Hey Stompy, come on! Get the lead out!_", Tyrolean shouted. Stompy nodded & reached into his coat, taking out a single bar of lead that actually _says _'Lead' on one side. He tosses it away, which strikes the cop square in the head with a clonk, followed by a moan before landing on the pavement with a thud. Not wanting to be in the vicinity when the officer regains consciousness, Stompy races off to rejoin his compatriots across the bridge, racing like a prize horse at the track.

To avoid serious jail/prison time, perhaps the boys ought to relocate to a safer area.

Like Siberia.

_The city of Cannabeer, P.U., 5:55 a.m.:_

Despite the city's unorthodox way of life & its even more malapropismous name, it still has more than its fair share of regular businesses, provisions & places such as parks, a zoo, non-alcoholic factories, law firms & the like. A number of buildings reached only about five or six stories, but it also has its tall skyscrapers, some of which have a height of over twenty-five & forty stories. The city is equipped with all the finest police, firefighter, & military services as could asked for in a major metropolitan area. Activities include golfing, horseback riding, & all the usual sporting events one can think of, from baseball to football.

On the two islands across from the city were suburban neighborhoods for people who prefer that kind of life over being in the crowded concrete jungle. Places of business became lively in preparing for the day's activities, with some already getting started. One such is an eatery that opened five minutes early, with its owners – Stan & Ollie – already serving customers.

The name was painted on the right-hand side of their window:

**JIVE CAFÉ**

**A SPEED FEED, A SHORT SNORT**

Regular businesses were placed all over, each one specializing in a different area/field of expertise. One such was that of tygon tubing, its sign hanging underneath its awning:

**CESS, POOL & DRAYNE PLUMBING**

**WE MAKE SEWER TO PLUNGE DOWN YOUR PROBLEMS**

Several blocks away, a pottery store awaits its doors to open. This one has its business sign on a wooden piece shaped like two clay pots melded together:

**MR. CLAY & MRS. POTTS**

**THE BIGGEST CHISELERS IN TOWN**

For those who prefer to hire a private detective/investigator to settle personal matters, this is the place to reach for them to accomplish their goals:

**HYDEN ZEKE DETECTIVE BUREAU**

**PRIVATE EYE, EARS, NOSE & THROAT**

In the case of someone with a toothache or in need of a cleaning, this dentist's office happens to be the most popular & frequently visited:

**DR. I. YANKUM**

**WE GET TO THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM AT EXTRACTION PRICES**

Handling pests in one's house or apartment building is never a picnic, so exterminators are set up to deal with uninvited guests in the form of mice, ants, moths & other bothersome creatures:

**ACME PEST CONTROL SERVICE**

**WE RUB OUT **_**ALL **_**THE DIRTY RATS & FILTHY SKUNKS!**

Whenever there's a hot tip or news to be reported, this agency always gets the full story:

**FULLER BULL NEWS AGENCY**

**IF IT'S FULLER BULL, IT **_**MUST **_**BE TRUE!**

When someone becomes insane in the brain (which happens more often in the city than one might realize!), they get sent here for psychiatric treatment:

**DR. D. LERIOUS' MADCAP ASYLUM**

**(A PLACE TO BLOW YOUR TOP)**

Attorneys & lawyers are in fine supply, & they handle the most difficult cases with ease:

**CANNABEER, P.U. CHIEF ATTORNEYS**

**DEWEY, CHEATUM & HOWE**

For those who have sadly expired, this corporation helps to deal with the deceased for the surviving family members:

**DIGGS, GRAVES & BERRY UNDERTAKER SERVICE**

**OUR BARGAINS LEAVE YOU STONE COLD & TEN FEET UNDER**

Cannabeer P.U.'s most cherished area is probably the Army base that's established near the city's main entrance, several blocks away. Opening for business on July 4th, 1914, it got its first taste of service when World War I broke out only three-four weeks later, supplying troops with guns, tanks, personnel, planes & other munitions needed to support the American soldiers & their allies with. When World War II broke out & the United States had entered after Pearl Harbor, the base was prepared with higher munitions & better vehicles to deal with the fury of the Axis Powers of Italy, Germany & Japan. It was even successful in hunting down & arresting several Axis spies that managed to sneak into the country & confiscate evidence & weaponry, leading to the defeat of other operatives that were residing in America.

At the end of the war, the base & its personnel were awarded with Medals of Honor for their bravery.

Taking up three whole city blocks, the base was massive from end to end. The middle building measured four stories high, while the extended portions on either side were only three. A large airfield with hangars allowed planes to take off & land with ease. Numerous tanks & other military vehicles were parked on a separate lot, while others were kept inside garages as personnel handle maintenance work. A tower antenna provided planes direction leaving & approaching the airfield, & outside exercise tracks & obstacle courses were used for running & keeping the men in shape to be poised & ready for combat at a moment's notice.

On the front of the base was a sign embedded in the brick wall which surrounded the complex:

**WELCOME TO YORINDY ARMY BASE**

Just below it was a three-word sentence in between a pair of parentheses:

**(NOW GET LOST!)**

_Inside the Army base, 6:00 a.m.:_

Sergeants & other early-rising soldiers were hard at work getting things fixed up for the day's festivities, all going back & forth to perform their daily duties as ordered by their superiors. The women at the base were busy as well, working just as hard as their male counterparts. One woman – a blonde – was handling the front desk right outside the Colonel's office. Her name was stenciled on a small triangular plaque:

**I. BEA SECRETARY**

The Colonel's office was right behind her, with his name posted clearly on his door window:

**COLONEL IMA WIMP**

Several doors down was another woman – a brunette – working at a different desk, this one being right in front of the General's office. Her name was also publicly shown in the same format:

**I. BEA SECRETARY II**

Behind her desk was the General's door, his name in plain ordinary sight:

**GENERAL I.M. TUFF**

Inside his neatly decorated office, the General stood behind his desk with the Colonel standing opposite him. The former was currently on the phone with a nurse at Los Arms Hospital. The nurse on the other line was speaking somewhat frantically.

"No, General, there's been no change in them since their arrival here!", the nurse said. "All they kept on saying was 'It's awful, it's awful'! Over & over again, that was _all _they could say! Oh, & on occasion they _also _said 'They're coming this way! They're gonna kill us all'! Frankly, the _only _thing 'awful' around here are those _drunken sailors!_ And if they keep that racket _up_ any longer, _I'm _the one who's gonna kill those walking barracudas!"

"No, nurse, that won't be necessary", the General said calmly. "Just assist the men I've got posted over there to keep them in seclusion from the rest of your patients. And nurse, until this matter is resolved, those men are to have absolutely _no _visitors, not even family."

"That won't be a problem, General! I'm all but _tired _from seeing to their needs, & my feet are _killing _me! If I were you & your men, General, I'd _avoid _those sailors like they were the Bubonic Plague!", the nurse concludes, hanging up the phone before gliding along on the hospital floor on roller skates.

On his end, the General hangs up the phone moments later. He turns towards the window behind his desk & stares out at the field, where men were attending maintenance on the lawns, shrubs & vehicles. Staring in silence, he ponders on what information he's gathered from the two captains of the sunken fishing ships the other night, with the Colonel being just as quiet.

He's no doubt having the same thoughts.

"So General, what do you make of all this?", asked the Colonel after a minute of eerie silence. "Do you really buy their story concerning how they loss their vessels & all their cargo with it?"

The General let out a heartfelt sigh.

"I don't know, Colonel. I just don't know", he replied. "The captains of those ships were both rather delirious when we found them on our doorstep, demanding that we go on full alert. The _rest _of their men fared no better; a few were even transferred over to Dr. D. Lerious' Madcap Asylum for going _way _too berserk for the hospital to take care of. If you ask me, Colonel, I think those men had one too many out on their voyage – which is _normal _for them, when you consider it."

"So you believe it was just plain incompetence that caused them to lose their vessels?", the Colonel asked.

"Wouldn't surprise me: the captain of the Aiget Seasick is more or less a stubborn fool, but the one from the Blow Me Down was _always _a big windbag."

"But General, _all_ the men from both ships _saw _what caused the wrecks. According to Captain Wottacatch's report & sans the condition he was in, he clearly states that he saw the creatures named…"

"Colonel", the General said, interrupting & facing him. "Even if what they're all claiming they saw _is _true, the _last _thing we want _or_ need is to start a citywide panic. So, until we know for sure what _really _happened out there the other night, I want for you to keep all this under your hat. Everything we just talked about goes no further than here in my office. Is that clear?"

There were a few more points the Colonel wanted to bring up about the incidents, but thought better of it.

"Yes sir. Crystal clear", he says, nodding.

"Good man", the General said, looking at his watch. "In any case, Colonel, it's two minutes after six in the morning, & we've wasted enough time discussing this. For now, we continue with our daily activities as usual. Plus, we have a bit of a show to put on later. Have Sergeant Whoa Nellie sound the bugle call & get the men up from their bunks & down for inspection. You all know where."

"Yes sir", the Colonel said, saluting his superior as the gesture is returned. Exiting the room, he heads off to carry out his orders, leaving the General alone with his thoughts. What he knew about the captains of both the Aiget Seasick & Blow Me Down was accurate: they were ballast drinkers & a can or two short of a six-pack, & they had crews that were nearly as cement-headed as them. But aside from their faults, the General couldn't deny that both men & their crews were all hard-working individuals, sincere, dedicated to their job, & much to his surprise, they've always been _honest_ with everything, from admitting personal errors to paying the right amount of money for every purchase they make. If there was even the slightest chance that their report was on the level, then the General would not be so foolish as to ignore the possibility of a resurgence by two creatures who, by all rights, shouldn't – or even _couldn't _– exist.

But like Captain Wottacatch himself, General I.M. Tuff _is _familiar with Godzilla & Anguirus: he'd heard the news reports of their rampage through Tokyo & Osaka not long ago, & he dreads what might occur if they dare to show up in Cannabeer, P.U.; it'd be a disaster if even _one _of those monsters makes it to the city & wreaks untold havoc & destruction.

_There's _no _indication that Godzilla and/or Anguirus will appear on our doorstep_, the General thought. _That's why I'm initiating a total blackout until we get to the bottom of this. The less people who know about it, the better._

In the depths of his mind, there was _one _thought he had to bring to the surface.

_And if by chance those monsters _do _show up & attack this city, then God help us!_

His chain of thought was broken when the morning bugle began blaring throughout the base.

_In the main barracks:_

The men rose from their cots & bunkers at the first sound of the bugle call, springing into action like quick-rising corpses from the morgue. In record time, the men all get dressed in formal attire of olive green uniforms & service caps before putting their boots on. What started out as a room in blissful slumber became one teeming with life as the soldiers rushed & raced to make it downstairs for morning roll call. Almost as one, the men depart from the barracks like a living tide out the doorway, turning the place into a completely vacant area.

Well, _almost_.

At the far end of one wall, there lay a lone bed where the last three men were still snoozing peacefully, totally oblivious to the bugle call even as it continued blaring loudly. These three men all lay side-by-side in this bed, with the covers up to their chins. The first man – Larry – rested on the bed's left side; he had a bald head on top, but his sides & back were covered in a bushy brown set of hair, looking very much like a clown's. The man in the middle – Moe – had a full set of jet black hair that was in the style of an upside-down sugar/salad bowl, with thick eyebrows in the same color. The third man on the far right – Curly – had a shaved head, with only a very thin bristle of hair on top like the start of a beard.

A sudden buzzing in their ears cause the three men to take out a pair of earmuffs & place them on their heads, muffling out the noise that stung as they slept in a rhythmic fashion; Larry makes a slight snort, Moe a quick exhale of breath, & Curly a whimpering sound, all in that order on a continuous loop.

All this was accomplished without any of them opening their eyes.

_The lower level:_

Dressed for the day & standing at attention, the men each called out whenever they got their name called out, replying with 'Here' or 'Present'. They stood in horizontal rows & wait patiently for orders as roll call resumed. The General & Colonel stood at the podium as the Sergeant took the names of each men, getting a response from most.

Once roll call was finished, the Sergeant came to the podium, saluted his superiors, & gave his report.

"The men are all present & accounted for, General, Colonel", he said, adding a sour note. "All that is, except for three men, sir."

The General & Colonel face each other with annoyed, irate looks. The Sergeant didn't need to disclose any names – they knew _exactly _which 'three men' he was referring to. Since the day they'd been enlisted, this trio have caused nothing but trouble for them & the entire base: incompetent in every activity they're indulged in, hitting themselves & others when things go screwy, costing them money in damages they inflict within city limits, & worst of all, they oversleep, thinking they're residing at a luxury hotel instead of an Army base where they need to be able to spring into action at a moment's notice if & when danger arrives.

For three years straight, they had to put up with their ugly & lazy habits.

No more.

"I tell you, Colonel, since the Axis Powers didn't kill us during the Second World War, those three loafers just _might!_", the General said in a low but angry voice.

"Why we _ever _inducted them into this Army is beyond even _me_, sir!", the Colonel said, no less displeased. "They are just _impossible!_ What _were _we thinking?!"

The Sergeant couldn't quite hear what was said between his superiors, but he knew of what subject they were on nonetheless. He steps in to help defuse the tension.

"Not to worry, sir. I've devised a foolproof method of getting those three slackers to attend roll call on time", he says, taking out a calculator-sized device with a red & green button. The Sergeant presses the red one first, & on the floor right above them, a panel opens up in a decent-sized rectangle of six-&-a-half feet wide & three feet high. The bed itself then rises up from the pillow end, & it looked like Larry, Moe & Curly were vampires rising up from their coffins. A hidden wire gets activated to remove the covers, revealing their pink, blue & purple pajamas with matching bunny slippers & a black rabbit's head placed over their hearts. The bed continues to rise, & just before it gets to a ninety degree angle, its three inhabitants slide down & slip perfectly into the rectangular hole on the floor with ease, plummeting them down to the level directly below.

By then, the General was out of patience.

"Never mind, Sergeant", he said, dismissing his plan to bring the latecomers to morning attendance. "I'll deal with those three fatheads later!" He turns his attention to the other soldiers. "As for the _rest _of you men – _fall in!_"

In an ironic fashion to the General's command, a trio of objects – in the form of three men – come crashing down hard on him like three sacks of potatoes, making the General yell out in pain & displeasure, sounding about as loud as the bugle call had been.

Like it or lump it, the General was going to deal with those three 'fatheads' sooner than he liked.

Such as _right now!_

**CHAPTER III**

Rudely & unexpectedly awakened in the crash, Moe, Larry & Curly shake their heads to clear them & get the sleepiness out of their systems. Moe, being the most displeased, stares at his two companions with a sour face.

"What's the idea of rolling over in your sleep?!", he snaps, smacking the two in the face with each hand. "You lamebrain imbeciles, I oughta tear your tonsils out! I oughta gouge your _eyes _out! _Afterwards_, I oughta…"

"It's the General!", Larry says, suddenly realizing the situation.

"_Don't _interrupt me when I'm talkin' to youse guys!"

"But Moe, you don't understand!", Curly says, seeing their fix as well & pointing down.

"All _I _understand, egghead, is that _you two _are _morons! _What _nerve _do you two numbskulls have to go & awaken me from a peaceful slumber?! If I didn't need you two as dancing & singing partners, I'd…"

"_Get offa me, you idiots!_", a man barked. It was then that Moe realized what Larry & Curly were referring to. Gasping nervously in a panic, the trio instantly get themselves off the General & rush to join the rest of the men at the front row, throwing off their bunny slippers with simple kicks. These hit the Colonel & Sergeant square in the face, as the trio now remove their pajamas to reveal their uniforms underneath before putting on their service caps. As the General gets up off the floor, he makes his way towards Moe, Larry & Curly, his face as red as a lobster with rage & meaner than a junkyard dog's.

"Why you three lazy, good-for-nothing underdogs! I've got a _good mind_ to…!"

His threat to the Stooges gets cut short when their pajamas get thrown at his face in a haste once they were removed. Literally tearing them off his face, the General tosses them away in tatters & grits his teeth at the trio with a look that made them cringe. To diffuse the situation, the Colonel rushes up to & whispers quickly into his ear. It did the trick: mentally counting to five, the General simmered down & takes a deep breath, relieving the majority of the anger into space.

"Remind me to hang you later – all _three _of you!", he says in a calmer but still rough tone before heading back to the podium.

"No problem, General. I'll make a _note _of it!", Curly said, taking out a small pad & a sharpened six-inch long pencil from his pocket & begins to write. Moe, standing next to him on his left, snatches the pencil out of his hand, making Curly grunt lowly in disgust. The shaved-headed Stooge then takes out an eight-inch long pencil & resumes writing. Moe snatches _that _one too, & Curly grunts louder. This time he takes out a _foot-long_ pencil the width of a cop's club to write his note to the General, but Moe again takes _that _away.

"What are you trying to do – _ruin _us?!", Moe said grunted.

"Gimme that back! That's _mine!_", Curly grunted back, staring at Moe.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize! Do you _really _want this pencil returned to you?"

"You _bet_ I do! Now _give it to me!_"

"No problem!"

With a forward thrust of his hand, Moe smacked Curly in the side of his head with the thick pencil. When it made contact, the pencil broke in half which caused Curly to yelp slightly. He was about to get deeper into Moe's face to speak his mind – or a reasonable facsimile thereof – when the Colonel spoke.

"Enough! Eyes front!", he barked. Moe & Larry salute in a 'Heil Hitler' fashion, while Curly does so in the Benito Mussolini style. They quickly surmise their mistake & correct it in seconds, saluting the American way with trembling hands.

When the General sees that he now has _all _the men's attention, he starts his morning speech.

"Good morning, men. It's nice to have everyone here in full attendance – for once. Today promises to be a very special day for us. One of those reasons is that as of last night, all preparations were made & completed on the Army's latest military defense vehicle, the Eureka Six & Seven/Eights."

Murmurs of excitement & curiosity went through the crowd.

"The Eureka 6 & 7/8s?", Larry whispers to Moe. "Like _that _guy should even talk, for _he _don't smell so good either!"

"You said it!", Curly also whispered. "He reeks so bad, even the dumbest of & blind fox hounds wouldn't have any trouble sniffing _him _out of hiding!"

"Shut up, you two skunks!", Moe said lowly, clonking his two cohorts on the head with his fists.

"Shut up yourself!", barked the Sergeant.

Instantly, they stood at attention as the General went on.

"As I was saying, our newest armored battle tank is equipped with the latest in state-of-the-art & up-to-date weaponry, maneuvering capabilities & electronics. It can perform within up to five feet of water, & the treads are consistent of steel-belted rubber, enabling it to travel across city streets like any other regular vehicle without doing any damage to them. The built-in radar from this tank can spot enemies from within a distance of 300 meters, giving us an early warning & getting the drop on their sorry hides. In conjunction with launching powerful shells from each of its three cannons, this tank is also equipped with a quartet of high-velocity firing machine guns, each one capable of shooting a maximum of 5000 rounds of ammunition. The shells fired are no less impressive: each one contains enough force to blast through about five-six inches of solid cement. The steering mechanism on this tank is similar to that of driving your car for that Sunday afternoon picnic – _so _simple, even a _child _can operate it!"

That last statement got some guffaws from the group.

"So simple even a child can operate it? Where we gonna _find _a child to _do_ that?", Larry asked.

"Yeah, where _are _we gonna find a child to work this thing?", Curly asked. Moe reaches into his uniform & takes out a large candy lollipop to show Curly, who goes ga-ga over it like a child would.

The he slaps it into Curly's face, shattering it everywhere. A loud grunt from the Sergeant turns their attention back towards the podium as the General continues.

"To display this impressive tour de force, we shall be testing this new armored tank at 0600 hours later today, & that each & every one of you will be given a trial run in operating our new weapon. The demonstration will take place over at Murderous Meadows just north of the city, in between Suicide Slopes & Cutthroat Canyons & right underneath Dead Man's Gulch. We'll be having our usual training period two hours before actual show time. But first, it's come around to that time of the year again, & you all know what that means."

The men respond by nodding & lowering their heads in silent prayer for a brief period before the General all but finishes up.

"Yeah, I figured you would. Our annual tribute celebration shall commence at 0900 hours, as we do each & every year. For right now, all soldiers report to the mess hall & have yourselves a hearty breakfast for the next hour. Dismissed."

At the General's command, the men rush for the mess hall faster than when they woke up at the sound of the bugle call, stampeding like a wild herd of cattle or buffalo with excitement. It was undoubtedly one of their most favorite times of day being in the armed services.

Moe, Larry & Curly were no different.

"Oh boy – eats!", Larry exclaimed with joy.

"Come on, fellas! What're we _waiting _for?", Moe asks with a grin.

"I ain't waitin'!", Curly says, hurrying out with a happy Moe & Larry to join the other men in their first meal of the day. When they arrive at the mess hall, it was almost completely packed to full capacity. Grabbing a tray, Moe & Larry pick up their favorite dish at the serving line & manage to find an empty spot within the multitude of men who were going through the same ordeal. Taking their seats, Moe & Larry take a moment to examine their plates before chowing down, but were curious as to what the other picked up.

What they were looking at didn't exactly seem part of a well-balanced diet.

"Pizza & sauerkraut?! How in the world can you _eat _that stuff this early, Larry? What are you – a hobo?", Moe wondered.

"Can't be any worse than what _you _picked up at the serving line!", Larry observed. "Burnt toast & a rotten egg! Why would you want _that_, of all things?"

"That's for my tapeworm – it's good enough for him! And where's Curly? Why isn't _he _here with us?"

"_That _puddin-head? With the extra weight _he _carries around, there ain't a spot that's _wide _enough for him to sit down at! Not at _these _tables, anyway!"

Both men look around the room in hopes of finding their missing comrade amid the bustle of bodies. It didn't take too long to find Curly sitting at the bar-like table, complete with round stools which were bolted to the floor. He was the only one occupying that particular area, having it currently all to himself. Moe & Larry shake their heads in dismay – they know exactly _why _he would be up there at this time of day!

"That'd be _just _like him – he _would _be up there this early for a shot of his favorite brandy!", Larry scoffed.

"Alcohol at six in the morning!", Moe said gruffly. "I'd bat his _brains_ in, if he _had _any!"

Before starting their main courses, Moe & Larry started peeling an orange & a banana, skinning them down to the fruit inside each one. Placing the inner fruit aside, they begin to tear off pieces of the outer skin & chewed. One soldier wearing circled bifocals stopped & stared in astonishment with agape eyes & mouth as Moe & Larry feast on fruit skin.

They catch sight of the man watching them, becoming unhappy with being viewed while they eat.

"Hey, what are _you _staring at, four-eyes?!", Moe snapped. "Can't two guys enjoy their breakfast in peaceful solitude?! There _is _still such a thing as _privacy_, you know!"

"But sir, you're doing this all _wrong!_", said Four-Eyes. "You're not supposed to eat oranges _or _bananas that way! It's the _inner fruit _that's edible, not the _skins!_"

"Hey Poindexter, don't tell _us _how to have breakfast – _beat it!_", Larry scoffed, jerking his thumb in a 'get lost' gesture. Seeing he wasn't going to get through to them, Four-Eyes takes off, happy to get away from two guys who he believes have more than a few screws loose.

Moe & Larry continue having their breakfast without further interruptions.

It's been fifteen minutes before Curly gets the attention of one of the chefs – a burly man in an Army chef's apron & hat, with a thick walrus mustache. He gets to Curly & takes out a pad with a pencil to take his order.

"Ah, good morning there, soldier!", he says gleefully. "Sorry for taking so long! What will you have?"

"Tell me something, chef-y: you still serve that all-natural 'Seafood Soup' on your menu?", Curly asks.

"Did we kick the Axis all over the seven continents? Of _course!_"

"Nice! Set me up a serving in a bowl, won't you? A _whopper _of a bowl!"

"Coming right up! And while you're waiting, have a bottle of our new beverage – Smokey Mountain!"

The chef reaches down behind the counter & pulls out a sizeable bottle of aforementioned drink & placed it on the counter in front of Curly.

"Looks good! What's it taste like?", Curly asked.

"Haven't tried it myself yet, but I hear that there's a real _kick_ in the _flavor!_", the chef explained. "You enjoy, while I get your breakfast prepared!"

"Thank you, I shall!", Curly said as the chef went into the kitchen to carry out his order. When he was out of sight, Curly popped the cap off & took a sniff of the contents. An impish but pleasing grin formed on his face, & he took his first drink of the bottle. It tasted like refreshing peppermint candy transformed into a liquid, & went down his gullet with a soothing feeling as only that kind of candy can give.

Then something hit Curly with the sound of a high-pitched whistling noise that lowered in tone & volume as the seconds passed, & his facial expression turned from joyful to doubtful. When it sounded like it hit rock bottom, it turns to something like that of a muffled explosion going off in the pit of his stomach. Then he starts spinning round & round in his swivel seat like a ride at the carnival, going around endlessly until he grabs the edge of the counter to regain his balance. He then felt something rising from his stomach, accompanied by a soft rumbling that rose in pitch. Fearing he may be on the verge of regurgitating, Curly covered his mouth with his hands. When the rumbling reached its peak, Curly felt his head filled by an invisible force that he was barely able to contain; his head was so full, he feared it might pop like an overinflated balloon.

But it wasn't his head that goes boom.

It was his _ears_: hot steam spewed out of Curly's ears like twin pipes that just burst in two separate jets with a hissing sound that extended to near a foot & a half. A stupefied look on Curly's face left little doubt on how much he was enjoying the experience, resembling a living steam train. His eyes crossed inward & his mouth went into a pucker-like state like he was about to kiss the love of his life, or a fish taking in oxygen in the water. He followed it up with his famous 'woo-woo-woo' remark repeatedly as the steam kept whooshing out from his ears for another minute before they cease its flow, & a popping noise erupts that makes Curly's cap fly up & off his head.

Stunned by the experience & leaving him in a temporary vegetative state, Curly stayed seated in his chair like a statue, his mouth contorted into his impish grin & eyes still crossed.

His cap fell back upon his head seconds later.

In the kitchen, the chef prepares Curly's breakfast by boiling the soup along with a mix of different kinds of seafood in a separate pot, ranging from crab & lobster meat, fish, mussels & other goodies from the ocean. The chef had barely enough to make a full meal, wondering why his latest shipment of seafood hasn't arrived yet. He wasn't very happy about it: he should've received the latest batch early this morning, & he's _still _waiting for it. Those who head out to sea know too well how common a seafood meal is, being one of the most requested kinds of dishes in all of the Army base, not to mention a large portion of the city itself. Curly himself is one of the most demanding of the seafood lovers, & orders a serving at the base about no less than four times a week. If the chef owned a restaurant & Curly was one of his regular paying customers, he'd practically single-handedly put the chef's kids through college.

If he _had _any kids, that is.

Twenty minutes later, the chef appeared with Curly's breakfast, who was still in a dazed state after drinking some of the Smokey Mountain beverage, his delirious face unchanged in all that time. The chef placed the bowl down in front of him & brought Curly out of it by tapping his head with his fist like he was knocking on his front door.

"Hey there! Anyone home?", the chef joked.

"Say, how about ringing the doorbell next time?", Curly said, shooing his hands away.

"I would if it were working. So…how was the drink?"

"A little heavy on the kick there, friend. I think it was too horse for _my _tastes."

The chef laughed out loud.

"What did you think you were _drinking _just now…zebra?"

Curly gasped inwards before letting it out as a horse would, placing his hands to his mouth in embarrassment.

The chef laughed again.

"Here – your breakfast will take that taste _right _out!", he said, placing a smaller bowl of crackers next to him. He examines the big bowl placed before Curly. "You sure you can _manage _all of that? This is quite an order."

"Why _soitenly! _I'm fit with T.S.!", Curly replied.

"T.S.?"

"Yeah – two stomachs! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

The chef nodded with a smile & headed back to the kitchen. He took two steps before stopping & turning in shock at Curly, who was now preparing to eat. He looks down at his own bulk, & sees he could be two sizes larger than him. Who was _he _to judge? Truth be told, the chef might be fitted with two stomachs himself.

Perhaps even three. Or _four_.

With other duties on his mind, he drops everything & heads back to the kitchen to attend them wordlessly.

Curly takes a cracker from the little bowl & places it in his soup. Remembering the salt, he reaches over to his left to grab it. At that moment, unseen by the man, a lobster claw emerges & grabs the cracker in the soup before it disappears below. Curly returns with the salt, ready to sprinkle some on his meal when he finds the cracker he put in was gone from view. Undaunted, he places another cracker in that same spot, reaching over this time to get a large napkin.

Again the lobster claw comes up & snatches the new cracker as Curly's attention is elsewhere, disappearing a second before he returns to his food once more & finds it gone again. The man gets suspicious – _someone's _playing a dirty joke on him, & he's going to see who it is. He places a third cracker in the soup & waits for the abductor, keeping a hawk's eye on it.

That's when he sees it: a lobster claw within his soup reaches up & snatches the cracker before his very eyes, submerging before a stunned Curly as he watches the impossible occur right in front of him. To be certain he wasn't hallucinating in any way, Curly places another cracker an inch above the soup, curious to see what happens. With near-blinding speed, the lobster claw reached up & grabs it out of his fingers, confirming what he suspected.

_This here soup is _alive_!_, Curly thought with astonishment.

But alive or not, Curly wasn't about to let some overgrown sea spider with a shell & finned tail get the better of him. Getting another cracker, he dangles it above the soup, but was ready for it: when the claw comes up to take it, Curly pulls it out of reach, giggling as he does. The lobster claw tries again & again to pick up the prize in Curly's fingers, but each time he becomes too quick & keeps it away, the claw unable to get hold. He continues tantalizing his weird enemy several more times, his giggling erupting into full-blown laughter.

On one turn, Curly laughs so out of control that the claw succeeds in getting the offered cracker out of his fingers, which frustrates the burly G.I.. Putting his own face an inch above the soup, Curly gets bitten right on his schnozzle when the claw pinches it hard, causing him to cry out in pain. Grabbing his fork, Curly repeatedly hits the claw & forces it to let go. Now more angry than ever, the G.I. was determined to make this thing pay if it was the last thing he does. The _next _cracker he offers will be one it won't soon forget – all he needs is the right ingredient for his plan to work.

He finds it instantly, in the form of a bottle of hot pepper sauce .

Reaching over, he grabs the sultry spice & literally splashes it with the stuff, nearly drenching it. Once he's satisfied he covered every square inch, he places it right over his soup & waits for the grab. Just as he predicted, the lobster claw reaches out & takes it in its grip as Curly neither pulls it away nor tries to stop it from doing so. A big grin on his face grows as he waits for what he hopes would boil his crustacean foe to a crisp so that he can finally enjoy his breakfast without any further interruptions.

Between five & ten seconds pass before the soup began to bubble like someone was blowing a straw into it, & Curly – still grinning – was anxious to see what was to become of this thing that's prevented him from eating. He takes a closer look into his bowl…

_WOOSH!_

A geyser of flame measuring a foot & a half high accompanied by a loud belch erupted from the bowl for ten seconds takes Curly by surprise, who barely manages to avoid getting his face burned off by the inferno & falls off his stool & onto the floor on his rear end.

_Wow! That spicy Mexican food really _can _get to you!_, Curly thought, getting up from the floor & back onto his stool. He approaches the bowl with the utmost caution, not wanting another flambé surprise in the face.

He _does _get it again, but not a spontaneous combustion kind: this was a stream of the soup itself, drenching Curly from head to neck & part of his shirt.

That kooky crustacean is _still alive!_

"Oh, a backbiter, eh?! You just _try _that again!", he dared it.

A second spray of soup hits him in the face, his teeth gritting in anger.

"You're _afraid _to do that a _third _time, I'll betcha!"

No it wasn't – Curly gets splashed with a third geyser of his breakfast.

_By golly, he dood it!_, he thought.

By now, Curly's had enough: it was him or that lobster, & he takes door #2. Rolling up his sleeve, he dips his hand into the soup to grab the little whippersnapper & choke the life out of him. Almost immediately, the thing in the bowl bites his hand, causing Curly to cry out in agony.

Frantically, he tosses the bowl off the counter, forcing the lobster to let go. The soup – bowl, lobster & all – gets flung across the room & lands onto two unlucky soldiers, causing them to cry out themselves as they get hit with the hot liquid & all its contents. Curly gasps in surprise when he finds out who those unlucky two were.

Moe & Larry!

Larry was soaked from head to chest with soup & covered in bits of seafood. Moe received the same kind of punishment, with a twist: the bowl was still on his face, & when he takes it off, the lobster was clinched to his nose & Moe cries out in pain, rising from his seat & going every which way.

"Hold tight, Moe! I'll help you get it off!", Larry shouted, rushing to Moe's side. The crowd in the mess hall began laughing so hard, happy to get an early preview of the forthcoming show. Larry grabs the lobster by the main body & began pulling at it, taking Moe's nose in part & stretching it outwards. Each tug & pull makes the sugar bowl-haired soldier to let out a cry of pain as Larry attempts to goad it to release him. It was no good: the lobster had a solid hold on its victim & refuses to give it up. The crowd continued laughing at their antics.

"Stop doing it _for _me, you nitwit! You're doing it _to _me!", Moe cried out. Larry saw he was getting nowhere with his current plan of action, so he thinks quick & finds an empty tray on one of the tables. Grabbing it, he rushes towards Moe & pulls his hands back.

"Hold still, Moe!", he shouted, thrusting his hands with tray forward.

At that moment, the Sergeant walks into the mess hall.

"Hey, what's going on in here?!", he barked. That same moment, Larry clubs Moe in the side of his head with the tray which knocks the lobster off his nose & sends it flying across the room – right onto the Sergeant's face!

The crustacean bit down on the Sergeant's eyebrows, acting like a visor & blocking his view entirely. The man cried out in pain & ran off blindly across the room & into the opposite wall. With his momentum, he smashes through the wall & comes out onto the field, running about frantically like a chicken with its head cut off.

Freed of the crazed crustacean, Moe turns to Larry.

"Got it off you, didn't I?", Larry asks.

"Yeah, so you did", Moe said calmly, taking the tray from Larry before smacking it on the side of _his _head & getting more boisterous laughter from the crowd.

"_What's the matter with you?! Are you trying to KILL me?!_", Moe shouted.

"No Moe, I was only trying to…", Larry started to say in his defense when he spots the probable cause for this fiasco. Moe turns to where he was staring at, & comes to the same conclusion.

_Curly!_, they both thought unhappily, the culprit smiling weakly & wagging his fingers in peace, hoping to diffuse the situation. No such luck: Moe & Larry walk towards him with unpleasant facial expressions, causing Curly to cringe.

"What's the _matter _with you, puddin-head?! Why don't you call your shots?!", Larry snapped.

"And _what's _the big idea of playing with your food?! What are you…_five?!_", Moe snapped.

"Sorry fellas! I'm a victim of circumstance!", Curly states.

Moe & Larry give each other a quick look.

"Oh, you were a victim of circumstance, eh?", Larry says.

"Soitenly!", Curly said.

"And you're also a victim of _this!_", Moe said, slapping Curly in the face & following that up with bonks on his head. Larry gets in on the action, & they both escort Curly out of the mess hall, slapping, punching, poking & even kicking the incompetent G.I. doing so. The crowd kept on laughing even after they were gone from sight.

Curly's assault on his person ceased, but he was still escorted roughly by Moe & Larry as they headed for the base's dressing room. Just outside the door, Curly was backed against the wall by his two cohorts.

"You're an imbecile, you know that?!", Moe barked. "What was going through your head when you went & threw your breakfast onto us?!"

"Sorry Moe – I got _pinched!_", Curly said.

"Pinched, huh?! Listen, lamebrain – we're _all _treading on thin ice as it is! If _you _don't kill us with your sloppy antics, the General, Colonel & Sergeant _will!_"

"_That's _actually not a bad idea!", said a powerful voice from behind. The trio face the newcomers & instantly shake & tremble at the sight of said three people, who walk up to & stare down their three subordinates.

None of the look happy to see them, especially the Sergeant, who has hairs from his eyebrows torn away from his face & small claw marks on the sides..

But then, they never _are_.

Immediately, the trio salute with trembling hands.

"Say, what a coincidence, gentlemen – we were just _thinking _about you!", Moe said in a feeble smile. Larry & Curly give indifferent.

"So were _we _– and it could be _murder!_", barked the Sergeant, making them shake from head to toe.

"A thousand pardons, Sarge – it was unavoidable!", Larry pleaded to get on their good side.

"Yeah, be a sport – accidents like this happen all the time!", Curly adds.

The Colonel looks them over.

"Don't you grunts got better things to do than play with your food?!", he growled. "Now get your useless hides in there & get ready for today's show! You're on in two hours!"

Moe, Larry & Curly scramble to get inside the dressing room, getting stuck in the entranceway. From behind, the General, Colonel & Sergeant give them a rough shove that literally throws them across the room, causing them to crash into a rack of clothing & shelf with a loud crash.

The three men grin widely.

"Say, you fellas were _right _– accidents _do _happen all the time!", the Sergeant called into the room, followed by a hearty laugh from him & his superiors.

"Now _that_, gentlemen, is _comedy!_", the General said, erupting in another boisterous laugh from them as they stroll away to leave the zany trio to their chores. Inside the room, Moe, Larry & Curly were on the floor, covered in costumes & props of all kinds after their 'crash landing'. A different ladies wig was placed on top of their heads.

"One of these days, I'm gonna give those three the _bomb!_", Moe said, once they were out of earshot.

"You've been saying that for _three years _now!", Larry adds.

"Soitenly!", Curly put in.

Moe felt something hard & wooden placed in his hand, & he finds he holds a gavel: like a striking snake, he clonks Curly in the head with it, causing him to hear birds chirping in his mind & collapse to the floor.

_The life of an imbecile!_ Two _of them, in fact!_, Moe thought, hitting Larry in the head as well, getting the same reaction as Curly. Moments later, a bowling ball prop falls off the shelf they all crashed into & strikes Moe on top, getting a dose of his own medicine.

Make that _three _imbeciles!

_A thousand miles out at sea:_

Anguirus swam at the surface of the water, his shell & top portion of his head being the only things visible as he uses his four legs & semi-spiked tail to propel himself through the drink. His only thoughts on his mind right now was finding & defeating the creature that caused it such great pain, having been separated from their battle after destroying the Aiget Seasick.

Using his instincts, Anguirus follows them to where his quarry goes.

Not far behind, Godzilla swims through the ocean with the ease of any fish. Unlike Anguirus, Godzilla is submerged completely & is able to breathe underwater. But like Anguirus, he uses his limbs & tail to move through swiftly & reach his destination. He senses his foe out there somewhere, & wherever _he _goes, _Godzilla _goes to finish what was started.

With vengeance on his mind, Godzilla's course continues towards the mainland.

His current course will take him straight to the city of Cannabeer, P.U..

Anguirus' course takes him in that very same direction.

**CHAPTER IV**

_Yorindy Army Base, 9:00 a.m.:_

The annual show the base puts on in the month of August each year is to commemorate & salute the victory of America & its allies over the horrendous powers of the Axis, defeating Italy, Germany & Japan. It was also to honor all those who were lost during that period of time, from the deaths at Pearl Harbor to those lost battling on Iwo Jima. Every year this show is in tribute to those lives becomes a high success, but when Moe, Larry & Curly joined the show, it was even _more _successful, & to this date they've never failed giving the men a slam-bang performance as they began by having three other guys dressed up as Mussolini, Hitler & Tojo while Moe, Larry & Curly do comedy antics by play-slapping & punching them, getting guffaws from the crowd. This also included the General, Colonel & Sergeant themselves: for all their goofing off & laziness, even _they _couldn't deny that these three gave a really grand & hilarious performance, spoofing & poking fun at the bad guys fought in World War II.

It was a special meaning to them, since they themselves fought in the Second World War, sending countless Italians, Nazis & Japs to the devil in battle. Moe, Larry & Curly didn't do any actual fighting, but they _did _perform & did their comedy numbers to raise the morale of soldiers who went out on the battlefield. It was something which _everyone _in America did, from Charlie Chaplin to Bugs Bunny & company.

_And they aren't half-bad at singing songs either!_, the General said to himself.

And singing songs is just what Moe, Larry & Curly are now doing on stage: the first song they do starts out with a swinging Jazz style, which the boys dance to in uniform for a prelude before they commence with singing:

Rockabye my baby, there ain't gonna be no war

There ain't gonna be no war over here

Rockabye my baby, it's all on the other side

We ain't gonna need no riot over here

We're gonna have peace & quiet

And if they start a riot

We'll sit right back & keep score

The only place you'll go marching to will be the corner grocery store

So rockabye my baby, there ain't gonna be no war

The remainder of the song was in swinging music, & the boys give a dance that satisfies even the stingiest of viewers. A big round of applause erupts at the finish, & Moe takes center stage to address his comrades.

"_That _song, gents, was recorded in hopes of our avoidance in the war that was going on overseas. Sadly, as you're all aware of, it was a false prophet: on that peaceful Sunday, December 7, 1941, those accursed Japanese flew over & attacked our comrades in arms at Pearl Harbor, off the Hawaiian shores. The damage & death toll was 18 ships sunk or heavily damaged, over 300 planes from the Army & Navy destroyed, & worst report of all, over 2,400 American lives lost, some of which were still lying in bed when they were hit."

Everyone – including Moe, Larry & Curly – took a moment of silence in prayer to those who were taken by surprise on that fateful day, the act that pushed America into World War II.

It was always the somber part of the show. Somber, but necessary.

It was Larry who now took the stage.

"The next day, President Roosevelt declared war on Japan, & we gave it all we got! And we had songs just like this next one to help show those Italians, Nazis _and _Japs what we _all_ thought of their 'New World Order'!"

"Maestro, please!", Curly told the band as he takes an American flag by the pole, & music begins with loud trumpets. When the boys sang, they did so loudly with pride:

History, in ev'ry century

Records an act that lives forevermore

We'll recall, as into line we fall

The thing that happened on Hawaii's shore

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

As we go to meet the foe

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

Like we did the Alamo

We will always remember

How they died for liberty

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

And go on to victory

(A musical interlude commences as everyone in the audience salutes since the number's beginning)

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

As we go to meet the foe

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

Like we did the Alamo

We will always remember

How they died for liberty

Let's remember Pearl Harbor

And go on to victory

A second musical interlude comes up, & everyone, including the trio, keeps on saluting until the end as the audience applauded. Now it was Curly's turn to take center stage.

"Like their Axis partners, we struck back at those Japs & gave them some real spankings: the Doolittle Raid on Tokyo, the Battle of Midway in the Pacific, the battle of Iwo Jima, until finally, we dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima & Nagasaki! Here's some numbers we're sure you recall when we faced those Nippon-ese & put out the flame of & sank their Rising Sun!"

The maestro played the music in a mellower rhythm as the boys commence:

When the Yanks raised the Stars & Stripes on Iwo Jima isle

Through the blood & tears they won through

Bless the heart of each Yankee there on Iwo Jima isle

Resting 'neath a blanket of blue

High on the hill of Suri-Batchi

Flies Old Glory & she always will

When the Yanks raised the Stars & Stripes on Iwo Jima isle

There were tears in their hearts though they smiled

(This musical interlude has Larry playing on his violin with the band)

When the Yanks raised the Stars & Stripes on Iwo Jima isle

Ev'ry heart could sing once again

And the sight of Old Glory over Iwo Jima isle

Swelled the hearts of our fighting men

Long will it wave o'er the hilltops

As a symbol of heroes who died

When the Yanks raised the Stars & Stripes on Iwo Jima isle

There were tears in their hearts though they smiled

Appreciative applause went up as their current number was complete. The next song went up a notch in tone, becoming another Jazz-y tune, with music by horns & flutes at the beginning before Moe starts singing verse 1:

Goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

For the red, white & blue, my country & you

Goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

Just to teach all those Japs, the Yanks are no saps

A million fighting sons of Uncle Sam, if you please

We'll soon have all those Japs right down on their Japan-knees

So goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

For my country, my flag & you

(The next verse in the song has Curly singing in a woman-like voice)

Say goodbye to Mama, you're off to Yokohama

So be brave & be strong, you won't be gone long

Say bye-bye Mama, the land of Yama-Yama

Until April I guess, will be your address

On Christmas Eve when Dad & I are trimming the tree

You'll do your share of trimming out on land & on sea

Say goodbye to Mama, you're off to Yokohama

For your country, your flag & me

(The third & final verse has all three boys singing again in their normal voices)

Goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

For the red, white & blue, my country & you

Goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

Just to teach all those Japs, the Yanks are no saps

A million fighting sons of Uncle Sam, if you please

We'll soon have all those Japs right down on their Japan-knees

Goodbye Mama, I'm off to Yokohama

For my country, my flag & you

Trumpets, flutes & drums end out the song before clapping ensues, & the boys take a bow. Not wanting to break stride just yet, the next anti-Japanese song starts playing in the same manner:

You're a sap, Mister Jap, you make a Yankee cranky

You're a sap, Mister Jap, Uncle Sam is gonna spanky

Wait & see, before we're done

The A, B, C & D will sink your Rising Sun

You're a sap, Mister Jap, you don't know Uncle Sammy

When he fights for his rights, you'll take it on the lamee

For he'll wipe the Axis right off the map

You're a sap, sap, sap, Mister Jap

You're a sap, Mister Jap, you make a Yankee cranky

You're a sap, Mister Jap, Sammy's gonna Spanky

Wait & see, before we're done

The A, B, C & D will sink your Rising Sun

You're a sap, Mister Jap, Oh! What a load to carry

Don't you know, don't you know, you're committing Hari-Kari?

For we'll wipe the Axis right off the map

You're a sap, sap, sap, Mister Jap

You're a sap, Mister Jap, you make a Yankee cranky

You're a sap, Mister Jap, Uncle Sam's gonna spanky

Wait & see, before we're done

The A, B, C & D will sink your Rising Sun

You're a sap, Mister Jap, oh you don't know Uncle Sammy

When he fights for his rights, you'll take it on the lamee

For he'll wipe the Axis right off the map

You're a sap, sap, sap, Mister Jap

(A quick interlude is introduced before the boys finish)

You're a sap, Mister Jap, Oh! What a load to carry

Don't you know, don't you know, you're committing Hari-Kari?

For we'll wipe the Axis right off the map

You're a sap, sap, sap, Mister Jaaaaaaaaaaaap!

A big round of applause erupts from the men, happy to be hearing one of the most popular anti-Japanese songs from the World War II period, originally done by Carl Hoff with vocals done by the Murphy Sisters. They get treated to yet another (& final) type of Jap song, this one first done by Carson Robison, beginning with an accordion noise:

We're gonna have to slap the dirty little Jap

And Uncle Sam's the guy who can do it

We'll skin that streak of yellow from this sneaky little fellow

And he'll think a cyclone struck him when we're through it

We'll take that double-crosser to the old woodshed

We'll start right on his bottom & we'll go to his head

When we get done with him he'll wish that he was dead

We gotta slap the dirty little Jap

Uncle Sam's a man who's giving a helping hand

To many a foreign land, don't forget it

But when somebody goes trompin' on his toes

They better guard their nose or they'll regret it

We're gonna have to slap the dirty little Jap

And Uncle Sam's the guy who can do it

The Japs & all their hooey will be changed into chop suey

And the Rising Sun will set when we get through it

Their alibi for fighting is to save their face

For ancestors waiting in celestial space

We'll kick their precious face down to the other place

We gotta slap the dirty little Jap

(A quick interlude of 'Yankee Doodle Dandy' gets played in one verse before the boys go on)

We're gonna have to slap the dirty little Jap

And Uncle Sam's the guy who can do it

I wouldn't fool you mister, he can raise an awful blister

And somebody's pants will burn before we're through it

We'll reach across the ocean & grab that yellow Jap

And turn him upside down right on Democracy's lap

We'll blister his Axis & do it with a snap

We gotta slap the dirty little Jap

Uncle Sam is mild, as peaceful as a child

But never get him riled or you will rue it

So now they wanna fight, well they've bit off quite a bite

And Uncle Sam is gonna make 'em chew it

We're gonna have to slap the dirty little Jap

And Uncle Sam's the guy who can do it

'Cause it really is a peacher when he starts to be a teacher

We can show you several pupils who've been through it

Uncle Sam believes in the golden rule

But when he's double-crossed he's got a kick like a mule

We're warning Hitler's tool that Sam's a fighting fool

We gotta slap the dirty little Jap

The biggest round of applause yet goes up as Moe, Larry & Curly raise their arms in cheer & triumph before the former addresses the crowd.

"Songs like that, fellow soldiers, became just as important & powerful as any shell or bullet that was fired, or any grenade that went off out in the battlefield. In the course of the war, our famed musicians had gathered up & recorded these songs to both send a solid message to the members of the Axis Powers, _and _to boost the morale back home. And although a good number were done in a serious tone, there were also those that have been done to give us a laugh, as it is often said that laughter is the best medicine. These next couple numbers are an example."

"All right, fellas! Just like we rehearsed!", Larry tells the band, who nod & start playing the next number on the list. It starts with drums tapping, followed by horns that were reminiscent of the morning bugle call:

A bunch of frightened rookies were listening filled with awe

They listened while a sergeant was laying down the law

They stood there at attention, their faces turning red

The sergeant looked them over & this is what he said

This is the Army, Mr. Jones! (this is the Army!)

No private rooms or telephones (this is the Army!)

You had your breakfast in bed before

But you won't have it there anymore

This is the Army, Mr. Green! (this is the Army!)

We like the barracks nice & clean (this is the Army!)

You had a housemaid to clean your floor

But she won't help you out anymore

Do what the buglers command

They're in the Army & not in a band

This is the Army, Mr. Brown! (this is the Army!)

You & your baby went to town (this is the Army!)

She had you worried but this is war

And she won't worry you anymore

Mr. Jones! Mr. Green! Mr. Brown!

(Horns, flutes & trumpets pick up in the intermission part of the song)

Do what the buglers command

They're in the Army & not in a band

This is the Army, Mr. Brown! (this is the Army!)

You & your baby went to town (this is the Army!)

She had you worried but this is war

And she won't worry you anymore

The music ends the song as the curtain comes down, but not before the boys hold up their fingers in a 'be right back' gesture. Just over three minutes passes before the curtain rises up again, but now only Larry appears dressed like a lady in a pink gown with a wig of long curly yellow hair. A shade of eyelash & pink lipstick finish up his conversion from man to woman. Larry sings in his best female voice while strutting in a playful tease as the men give a laugh at his new wardrobe, the music being done entirely by piano:

Don't run away mister

Oh, stay & play mister

Don't worry if you hear the sirens go

Though I'm not a lady of the highest virtue

I wouldn't dream of letting anything hurt you

And so before you go, I think you ought to know

I've got a cozy flat, there's a place for your hat

I wear a pink chiffon neglige gown

And do I know my stuff, but if that's not enough

I've got the deepest shelter in town

I've got a room for two, a radio that's new

An alarm clock that won't let you down

And I've got central heat, but to make it complete

I've got the deepest shelter in town

Every modern comfort I can just guarantee

If you hear the siren call then it's probably me

And, sweetie, to revert, I'll keep you on the alert

I won't even be wearing a frown

So you can hang around here until the all clear

In the deepest shelter in town

Now honey, I don't sing of an Anderson thing

Climbing in one you look like a clown

But if you came here to see, why Sir John would agree

I've got the deepest shelter in town

Now Mr. Morrison says he's getting things done

And he's a man of the greatest renown

But before it gets wrecked, I hope you'll come & inspect

The deepest shelter in town

Now I was one of the first to clear my attic of junk

But when it comes to shelters nowadays it's all bunk

So honey, don't get scared, it's there to be shared

And you'll feel like a king with a crown

So please don't be mean, better men than you have been

In the deepest shelter, the neatest shelter, the deepest shelter in town

The men laugh & clap simultaneously at Larry's hysterical performance as he exits the stage. He is replaced by Curly, who is _also _dressed like a lady. The burly man is attired in a red dress with a black hair wig, curled just like Larry's had been. His eyes were shaded, & wore lipstick in red to match his dress. More laughter erupted from the crowd as the new song began in a cheerful flute melody as Curly sings & dance in his own female Brit voice:

Now, of all the lovelies in the town…there's none as smart as Bella

I've almost won as much as renown as Mr. C's umbrella

I'm a girl who serves her country & can raise her nation's hopes

Like Prunella Stack, the Union Jack & Doctor Marie Stopes

In pre-war days with lights ablaze…they thought me rather shady

But now that there's a blackout…well, I'm treated like a lady

With sandbags on my chest & have bumped into the best

I'm Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

A girl who knows the game, who's groped her way to fame

Every fella, salutes me on the beach

Doing a 'Bumps-a-daisy' all down Regent Street

I popped in here…but not to profiteer

My cover-charge is less than half-a-crown

I'm the only bag of lard that doesn't need a ration card

I'm Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

Now, whenever there's a call to arms, old Bella's well on duty

I don't waste time with false alarms, I'm there…and what a beauty

I spur the lads to action, I'm the local Joan of Arc

But I beat a retreat, waggle my seat & surrender in the park

With the Army & the Air Force I'm quite sure to run amok

And I touch the sailor's dickies 'cos it always brings me luck

I'm the regimental band…I'm their new first aid-de-camp

I'm Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

Just see me in the dark, as far as Regent's Park

Every cellar in London's W.C.

Comes in very handy for an A.R.P.

I jog along…and sing me marching song

Whoops-a-daisy…Knees up Mother Brown

With a shilling in me hand & me bags all full of sand

I'm Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

Me motto's 'Be prepared' & 'Keep the beds well aired'

You can't tell her of any better stunt

To keep the home-fires burning on the West-End front

In any raid, oooh…you'll find I'm unafraid

I'll carry on, whatever may come down

And if I'm propped up on a porch…

Don't you dare to flash your torch!

I'm Blackout Bella, the whitest girl in town

The men erupted with claps & a boisterous uproar of guffaws as Curly takes a lady-like bow to the troops just before the curtain comes down again for a brief time. When they come back up, Moe, Larry & Curly were back in their regular uniforms, with Moe addressing the crowd.

"And now, gents, we're going to do a number that was originally entitled 'Run Adolf, Run', until Misters Flanagan & Allen changed it to _this _song that was extremely popular throughout the entire war. The maestro & our colleague Larry will be providing the music as we sing. And now, boys… let's take it from the top."

Larry begins playing his violin in conjunction with the Army band as the boys start singing:

On the farm, every Friday

On the farm, it's rabbit pie day

So, every Friday that ever comes along

I get up early & sing this little song

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Goes the farmer's gun

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run! Run!

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Don't give the farmer his fun! Fun! Fun!

He'll get by without his rabbit pie

So run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

(Musical interlude becomes a mix of the band & Larry's violin playing in a soothing, playful melody)

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Goes the farmer's gun

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run! Run!

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Don't give the farmer his fun! Fun! Fun!

He'll get by without his rabbit pie

So run rabbit, run rabbit, run! Run! Run!

Applause goes up as this time it was Larry who takes center stage.

"As you've just heard, that song was changed to 'Run _Rabbit_, Run' when Flanagan & Allen recorded it, but it still had meaning in the war as we were digging at Germany's ineffectual Luftwaffe & gave it a 'run' for its money after the Nazi's first raid on Britain in 1939. While it _is _true that two rabbits were allegedly killed during that raid, it was found out they were procured from a butcher's shop & hung for publicity purposes."

The men give a laugh at this little-known fact.

Now Curly takes stage & addresses the audience.

"Our next number is a fine little dandy, made famous by none other than the crooner himself, Bing Crosby. He was a guy we just couldn't get enough of before, during _and _after the war! And why the heck would we _want _to? Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!"

His little joke gets a clonk on the head by Moe, with the men sharing a laugh.

"What this nitwit is _trying _to say is, in honor of Bing's tireless service throughout the war on the radio, here we are now with 'I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank'", Moe corrects as the crowd claps & music plays:

I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank

I'm headin' for a hullaballoo

I'll be ridin' my tank through a Tokyo bank

Sure as I'm an Army buckaroo

And when I set my khaki down in old Nagasaki

I'll be singin' like a wacky jackaroo

And you can bet my cracky every suki-yaki lacky

Will be lookin' mighty tacky when I do

I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank

And I'm headin' for a hullaballoo

I'll be ridin' my swank little hanky panky tank

Through the streets of Yokohama

With a Honolulu mama

Singin' those beat-o, flat on his seat-o

Hirohito blues

I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank

And I'm headin' for a hullaballoo

I'll be ridin' my tank through a Tokyo bank

Sure as I'm an Army buckaroo

And when I set my khaki down in old Nagasaki

I'll be singin' like a wacky jackaroo

And you can bet my cranky every suki-yaki lacky

Will be lookin' mighty tacky when I do

I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank

And I'm headin' for a hullaballoo

I'll be ridin' my swank little hanky panky tank

Through the streets of Yokohama

With a Honolulu mama

Singin' those beat-o (singin' those beat-o), flat on his seat-o (flat on his seat-o)

Hirohito blues (some blues!)

Cheers go up with claps from the audience as the curtain goes down once more, quite possibly for a wardrobe change. Curly stands beneath it as the curtain hits him with the force of a heavy blanket dropped from high above. A chorus of laughter fills the room as Moe & Larry drag Curly out from beneath & take him backstage, accompanied by kicking, slapping & clonking for his incompetence.

The General was laughing his loudest with the Colonel & Sergeant, pleased that they've not lost their imbecile status when performing. They only wish it was _only _for performing.

_But, if wished were fishes_, the General thought.

_Once an idiot, _always _an idiot!_, thought the Colonel.

A soldier came running up in front of his superiors & saluted, who returned the gesture.

"General, we need you in the radar room immediately, sir!", he replied unevenly as sweat came down his face.

"Can't it wait, son? We're enjoying watching those three mules making total jackasses of themselves – like they _always _do!", the Sergeant said unhappily.

"With all due respect, Sergeant, it cannot! The General's presence is requested at the _utmost _urgency!"

The three men look at each other.

"Is it _that _serious, son?", the Colonel wondered.

"They tell me it _is_, Colonel!", the man said. "Otherwise I wouldn't have come to interrupt your view of the show! The General _needs _to see what our radar's picked up!"

The General gave his answer in three seconds.

"Colonel, Sergeant…come with me."

As much as they wanted to see the rest of the show, both men were compelled to obey their orders.

"Yes sir", they said, the unhappiness clear in their voice.

As one, they head off to their destination.

_The Radar Room:_

For those who weren't able to attend the annual show, they were busy checking equipment & screens for any signs of unusual activity. In recent minutes, the room got teeming with life more so than earlier, & men scramble to get readings & pass them around from one set of hands to another. The room suddenly got quiet when the General burst through the entranceway, with the Colonel, Sergeant & private following in the rear.

No one moved or made a sound as they approached the main radar operator.

"All right, son…speak up! _What's _so important that it couldn't wait until our annual show was over?! You _know _how much the Colonel, Sergeant & I hate missing it! Whatever your reason is, it _better _be a good one!"

"I'm very sorry, sir", the young Army man said. "But I never would've bothered you if what we discovered wasn't so dire. This is something you should see right away, sir!"

The G.I. pushed & turned a few buttons & knobs, bringing to life the screen used to scan the area. It showed a simple map of the city, its neighboring islands & surrounding seas all silhouetted in lime green. A line from the middle of the screen extended to the outer edge & started circling in its normal fashion. For most of its trip, the screen did not pick up anything unusual…until its end.

That's when they saw it: the radar screen blipped & showed two red dots located just south of the city, each one being about three-four feet apart. Slowly but surely, they moved in a northern pattern from their current position & are making a beeline towards the city, from what the General & his subordinates can see.

"What are they, soldier? Submarines? Ships?", the Colonel asked.

"We did a size estimate on both of them, Colonel, about five minutes ago", the man said. "We did it twice, even three times just to be sure the readings were accurate. In conclusion, we measured them each to be about 100 meters in length, or close to it."

The news surprised the three superiors, & temporarily stunned them.

"Did you say a _hundred meters?!_", asked the Sergeant.

"Yes sir, I did", the man continued. "As you can see on the radar screen, they're both heading their way towards the city. At their current speed, they'll be on city shores within the hour, if not much sooner. Whatever's coming here, sir, they are _not _submarines _or _ships! Shall we put the base on full alert, General?"

"One moment, son. Excuse us, Sergeant. Colonel…?", he said, gesturing with his shoulder to follow him several steps away from the rest. When they were out of earshot, he talks in a low voice.

"Colonel, I'm beginning to think that maybe perhaps those two sea Captains weren't so far-fetched in their stories after all."

"I had that very same thought, sir", the Colonel said, also in a low voice. "Looks like we owe them an apology for disbelieving what they reported to us. Maybe we _should've _listened before."

"We may owe them _more _than a simple apology should, God forbid, even _one_ of those creatures makes it to shore & starts laying waste to our beloved city. I'd say this is a _real _test for the Eureka 6 & 7/8s, in seeing how well it repels two prehistoric beasts."

"But sir…that tank's been made to fight _men & machinery_, not monsters. And _these two _in particular are no _ordinary _beasts either. We _both _read the files on them – what if our new weapon _can't _do the job of repelling those two monsters? Then what? Sending it out without proper testing is _dangerous_, sir."

"The _real _danger, Colonel, lies in doing nothing. It's a chance we just _have _to take, because I can see no other effective alternative. Colonel, order the men back to where we make roll call. And tell the weapons divisions in all the hangars & armories to get their planes & tanks on standby – _including_ our newest weapon."

"Right away, sir", the Colonel said, saluting before heading off to perform his duties. The General returns the salute before heading back over to the main radar screen.

"Yes son, I _do _want you to put the base on full alert, because we've got ourselves a _very _serious situation on our hands!", he orders the radar operator. "While you're at it, I want you to keep a close watch on those two objects & track their every move! Notify us if there's any change in their course!"

"Yes sir!", the man said, getting busy.

"General, sir, what's going on?", asked the Sergeant.

"Once we get everyone gathered, Sergeant, I'll fill you in on the details. Let's move!", he orders, & both men exit the room. The General & Colonel dreaded this moment, & it can be seen in his steps as they were uneven as he & the Sergeant made their way to assemble the men in what will be their first call to action since Pearl Harbor. The Sergeant had some questions concerning what the emergency is that's making him hurry in an awkward motion, but he'd know soon enough.

He has a feeling he won't _like _what he hears.

_The Memorial Show:_

Moe, Larry & Curly were all dressed up by the time the curtain arose again, showing the boys in attire of the three Axis Powers leaders: Larry had been dressed up as Japan's Hideki Tojo (complete with glasses), Curly as Italy's Benito Mussolini, & Moe as Germany's Adolf Hitler, complete with his trademark mustache. The crowd was laughing at their attire, knowing that this was one of their best acts in the whole program. A sound like a sick duck quacking began the music, followed by flutes & other instruments as the boys begin a novelty song made famous by Spike Jones & his City Slickers, complete with raspberry sound-makers:

When der fuehrer says we is de master race

We _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in der fuehrer's face

Not to love der fuehrer is a great disgrace

So we _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in der fuehrer's face

When Herr Goebbel says we own de world & space

We _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in Herr Goebbel's face

When Herr Goring says they'll never bomb dis place

We _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in Herr Goring's face

Are we not de supermen Aryan pure supermen

Ja we are de supermen (super duper supermen)

Is this Nazi land so good

Would you leave it if you could

Ja this Nazi land is good

We would leave it if we could

We bring de world to order

Heil Hitler's world to order

Everyone of foreign race

Will love der fuehrer's face

When we bring to de world dis order

When der fuehrer says we is de master race

We _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in der fuehrer's face

Not to love der fuehrer is a great disgrace

So we _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in der fuehrer's face

(The intermission has a combo of crazy, zany music & sounds mixed in with the trio's silly antics of making the late Axis Powers' leaders looking foolish as they did when they were alive)

When der fuehrer says we is de master race

We _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pfft!) right in der fuehrer's face

Not to love der fuehrer is a great disgrace

So we _heil! _(pfft!) _heil! _(pffffffffft!) right in der fuehrer's faaaaaaace!

A thunderous round of laughter _and _applause fills the room as Moe, Larry & Curly take a generous bow, their 'Spoofing the Axis' act getting the highest appreciation out of all their performances. The boys have been doing this act since the start of the war, & have become a smash hit with soldiers everywhere, including the Allied Forces. It was popular even after the war ended, & always raises a big ruckus of appreciation with the men of the Armed Forces to this day.

Overhead, the sirens began to blare & drown out even the applause & cheers as they all ceased & stared up in wonder. When it ended, the sound was replaced by a voice on loud speaker.

"_Attention! Attention! All troops report to the main hall! All troops report to the main hall! We are at a code yellow! We are at a code yellow! This is NOT a drill! Repeat: this is NOT a drill!_"

As one, the men scrambled madly out of the room to carry out their orders, not wasting time in a situation that reached that level of danger. They knew that a code yellow could easily become a code red at the drop of a dime, & they head off in haste, leaving Moe, Larry & Curly alone as they get out of their Axis costumes in a hurry, revealing again their standard uniforms.

"A code yellow? Must be something _deadly_ heading our way!", Larry said, placing his cap on.

"Yeah, looks like the party's over, boys! We've got us a _real _job to do!", Moe said.

"Wish the guy over the speakers didn't have to _repeat _everything! We _heard _him the _first _time!", complained Curly, fitting his cap on as Moe has.

"_Then get GOING, you slugs!_", the loud speaker suddenly barked, putting the boys on overdrive as they race out of the room to rejoin the rest.

Moe was right.

_This _party _is _over!

**CHAPTER V**

_Five minutes later:_

Al the men – including Moe, Larry & Curly – were all standing at attention when the General, Colonel & Sergeant entered the room, & they all saluted as they approached the podium. The trio were at the front row just as before, & their superiors returned the salute to them & the rest.

"Gentlemen", the General said, taking center stage.

"Who came in?", Larry asked, looking around the room. When he turns to Moe, he gets a slap in the face for his troubles before they stand at attention as the General continued.

"First, I wish to apologize for having to end our annual Memorial Show so abruptly. As you all know, it's an event I look forward to every year & hate to miss, let alone stop, for any reason. However, today I'm forced to close it this year due to a dire emergency that's come to our attention. Here's the situation: at some time during the wee hours of the morning out at sea, the two fishing vessels – the Aiget Seasick & the Blow Me Down – were heavily damaged & sunk beneath the waves, almost taking their entire crews with them. They're all currently being held in isolation at Los Arms Hospital."

"Oh, is _that _all?", Larry says with a smile. "You shouldn't worry _too _much about them, General. The Captain from the Aiget Seasick is a stubborn mule."

"Yeah, & the one from the Blow Me Down always _was _a big windbag, sir", Curly adds indifferent.

"For a moment there, I thought it was something _serious!_", Moe said with a grin.

The General couldn't suppress a quick smirk.

"I'm afraid it _is_, son", he went on, all business. "While your accusations of the Captains _are _true, this time it wasn't incompetence on either of their part that caused them to lose their ships. No…they were _attacked!_"

Low murmurs came from the crowd.

"Attacked by _whom_, sir?", asked a man. "The war is long over, & none of the once-invading Axis countries would _dare _think to re-offend & begin another."

"Not by whom, soldier – by _what_" , said the General. "Those two fishing ships weren't attacked by retaliating remnants of former Axis members seeking vengeance. No, I'm afraid their destruction was caused by forces even _more _powerful than _all _of Mussolini, Tojo _and _Hitler's forces combined. Gentlemen, they were attacked & sunk by two powerful monsters named Godzilla & Anguirus."

The murmurs of the men became loud grumbles with facial expressions of shock & even fright. This also went for Moe, Larry & Curly, as they too were somehow familiar with the two infamous names, hearing about the death & destruction they can cause wherever they go. Like the rest, they fear of their possible – and probable – arrival in the city, which is no doubt the reason for the code yellow alert before.

_Sounds like that code yellow just became a code _red_!_, Moe thought grimly.

"Godzilla & Anguirus? But General, that's _impossible! _We were told they were _dead!_", Larry said.

"We'd like nothing better than to believethat they _are_, son", the General said. "But after Godzilla's raid on Tokyo, _another _showed up & laid waste to Osaka when it clashed with Anguirus a year later. During their clash, Anguirus was seemingly killed & the Japanese buried Godzilla under tons of snow & ice on an island. I'm sorry to say that both survived & begun their assault anew. And now, we have every belief that they're both heading towards _here _to our fair city. That's why I want every one suited up & ready to head out to repel the monsters should their arrival here _be _imminent. Once we get confirmation of it, you will do whatever is necessary to either destroy them or drive them away with as little damage as possible to the area. If we're lucky…"

A warning buzzer interrupts the General as the loud speakers come to life again.

"_Attention! Attention! This is a red alert! I repeat, this is a red alert!_"

"You see, he's doing it _again!_", Curly said in a low voice. "Does he _really _think we're _deaf _or something? We only need to hear him _once!_"

"Shut up!", Moe barked lowly, hitting Curly in the head with his fist.

"_Shut up yourself & listen!_", the speaker snapped, startling the boys. "_Godzilla & Anguirus are now in the Bay of Rum & Coca-Cola! They will hit shore in about 15-20 minutes! Any & all available units are to go down point Cue Balla!_"

"Both mutha _and _daughta?", Curly asked.

"Workin' for the Yankee dolla!", Moe adds.

"Ah, it's a _fact_, mon, it's a _fact!_", Larry said in a Jamaican accent.

"_Quiet!_", barked the Colonel, snapping the boys at attention.

"All right, men, this is what we feared", the General went on. "Fortunately, our newest weapon – the Eureka 6 & 7/8s is primed & ready to head out & lead the attack against these two creatures. This vehicle is going to need at least three people to operate. Who's willing to lead this dangerous charge? Do we have any volunteers?"

As the General spoke, Curly takes out a cream pie he managed to sneak out of the mess hall from his shirt & began nibbling on it. He'd barely eaten since breakfast, & figures he could nab a quick bite before the big battle.

Moe & Larry were going to make him think otherwise.

"Get _rid _of that thing, you stupid stooge!", Larry snapped as he & Moe grab the pie & attempt to pry it out of Curly's hands. "Didn't you eat enough at breakfast?!"

"What are you _doing_, ignoramous… trying to _ruin _us?!", Moe snapped. "Ditch that pie before we get _caught!_"

"No, it's mine!", Curly protested, keeping a firm grip on his food.

Unfortunately, they _were _caught, & the General, Colonel & Sergeant make their way towards the zany trio.

"Hey! Hand over that pie right now! That's an order!", the General barked. "_I said let me have it!_"

Oh, he _gets it_, all right: Moe & Larry yank their hardest on the pie, which flies out of Curly's hands & their own, heading straight for a new destination – in the General's face!

The pie strikes the man dead-on, & pieces of pie & cream get splattered everywhere, including some bits on his two subordinates standing right next to him. Moe, Larry & Curly jump in shock at the atrocity they caused their superior, & they have no doubt of what's in store for them for their insubordination.

"_Now _look at what you caused, you nitwit!", Moe snapped.

"Yeah, puddin-head!", Larry added. "Now we probably _are _going to get hung up by our necks because of you!"

The General threw the pie remnant off his face & used a cloth to wipe away the rest.

"You better _believe _you three are gonna get hung, mister!", he growls with a facial expression of gritted teeth, his fists as hard as rocks. "But _first_, you're gonna be used as _target practice _over at the firing range before being beaten by thick heavy clubs! After _that_, we'll let the _dogs _chew on your carcasses for a while, & _then _you'll hang!"

Moe, Larry & Curly gasp in terror, placing their hands around their necks.

"Wait a minute, General!", the Colonel said, defusing the situation before stacks get blown. Gesturing with his shoulder, & brings him & the Sergeant away from the crowd & out of earshot.

When they speak, it was in low (but irate) voices.

"General, what are we going to _do _about those three loafers?", the Sergeant said. "As long as they're here at this base, we'll _never _get a moment's rest!"

"Don't worry, Sergeant: I have an idea that just might _solve _that little problem & get them _out _of our hair once & for all!", the Colonel said in a surprisingly calm tone.

"What is it, Colonel?", the General asks, anxious to hear his plan.

"Sir, since the Eureka 6 & 7/8s needs three people to operate, why not let _those _idiots take the helm?"

The General & Sergeant looked at him like he just sprouted a pair of antennae on his head.

"Colonel, are you _insane?!_", the former said, not liking the plan. "You _know _what we had to go through to get this new weapon developed & made before being sent to us! It nearly broke the base's _account _to have it processed! If we let those morons drive that tank & head off into battle against Godzilla & Anguirus, they'll undoubtedly get it _destroyed! _On _top _of that, they'll most likely for sure go & get themselves _killed!_"

"Precisely", the Colonel said with a smile.

The realization hit the General before his subordinate answered back, & his face lit up like a Christmas tree. It may be true (& perhaps even possible) that they could lose their precious new weapon at the hands of the two monsters making their way here, but if Moe, Larry & Curly meet their demise battling them with no experience on how to work the thing, then the loss of an expensive & sophisticated piece of machinery would be worth it: hardly anyone who's gone up against Godzilla and/or Anguirus has returned alive to talk about it, sans a few.

He's willing to bet that those three lamebrains will suffer that fate.

"_Now _you're talking!", he says with a smile.

"_That's _a good plan!", said the Sergeant. "And casualties happen in battle when we least expect them to!"

They all nod & turn around to approach the trio with smiles, who get nervous in the knees & all over.

"A thousand pardons, General! It was unavoidable!", Larry pleaded.

"Come on, sir! You're going to let bygones be bygones, aren't ya?", Moe asked.

"Yeah, be a regular guy! Don't forget: _your _mother & _my _mother are both mothers!", Curly said.

"Oh, that's all right, boys", the General said in a calm & friendly voice. "Accidents _will _happen. I'll tell you what: we'll forget this _whole _thing if you boys do something for _me_."

"Name it", Moe said instantly.

"Even though you three are the entertainers at this base, how would you like to be the ones to lead the charge against Godzilla & Anguirus? Of course you realize it's going to be _dangerous _if you accept this mission, & there's the chance that you probably might not…"

"We'll do it!", the three said in unison without hesitation.

"You _will?!_", the General, Colonel & Sergeant said with high hopes.

"Absolutely, sirs!", Larry said.

"Yeah, why _else _do you think we signed up for?", Curly says.

"This is the chance we've been _waitin' _for!", Moe adds.

The three subordinates look at each other in relief, silently praising that there really _is _a Santa Claus.

"Glad to hear it!", the General said. "Head over to the armory & get into the Eureka 6 & 7/8s & move on out! And remember: _you're _leading this attack, so get out there & save our beloved city, as this whole town's _depending _upon you!"

"This is our big chance to become real heroes, boys! Just like the Three Musketeers!", Moe said.

"All for one, & one for all!", Larry said.

"Every man for himself!", Curly said, & they all race off for the armory in a huff. They were gone from sight in seconds as the three subordinates smile wider.

This'll _teach them!_, they all thought with glee.

_The Armory:_

Men were getting tanks ready for departure when Moe, Larry & Curly arrive to see row after row of heavily armed tanks lined up. A whole armada of tanks all sat in waiting, ready to be deployed & driven out to face the two oncoming threats. Models such as the M4 Sherman, M4A1, & others were displayed as the boys saw for the first time in three years the defense vehicles that first saw action in the Second World War.

"Wow! Tanks!", Moe said.

"Aww, you're welcome! Gosh, I never knew you _cared!_", Larry said in a bashful tone.

"I _don't!_", Moe snapped back, slapping his comrade in the face. "Now come on – we need to _find _this tank & get on board! You _heard _what the General said: this city's depending on _us_, so quit stallin'!"

"Stalin? Isn't he _dead?_", Curly asks.

"That's what _we'll _be if we don't get-a-goin', nitwit! _Find _this thing!"

"How can we find it if we don't even know what it _looks _like?", Larry asked. "Don't forget: we've never been _in _the armory until now! All these tanks look the same!"

"Not _all _of them, Larry! Take a look over _there!_", Curly said, pointing down a row of tanks. Larry & Moe take a peek to where Curly pointed at, & almost instantly they see it. Running up to it for a better view, they see an M26 Pershing tank but was over twice the size of a standard one. Three cannons were placed on the front: one on the usual turret, & two more on its sides. A pair of powerful chainguns with thick ammunition belts attached on top were placed on each side, & a stub of a grenade launcher was jutted out from the center just below the main cannon. A mini-satellite dish was placed on top the turret beside the main hatch, & the treads _were _consisted of steel-belted rubber like the General said. A wooden ladder leaned against its side, & seemed to be the only way up to the top.

The sight of the vehicle left the trio temporarily speechless.

"You're right, Curly! This _has _to be it!", Larry said when they could talk again. "It's everything the General said it'd be, & probably a whole lot more!"

"_I'll _say!", Moe said. "Just _look _at it, fellas! This thing's a moving fortress! It can practically do _anything!_"

"If it can serve us beer & pretzels, I just might even _marry _the thing!", Curly adds.

"Oh, would you like a quick shot before we go?", Moe asked.

"Why _soitenly! _I'd _love _one!"

"Here it is!"

Curly gets an open palm on the side of his head with a loud snapping noise.

"Get moving, you mugs! We're supposed to be _leading _this here attack, so get up & inside this overweight sardine can!", Moe barked, grabbing Larry by his hair & pulling him towards the ladder. "_You_, porcupine! You're going up first!"

Larry began ascending the ladder & gets to the top with no difficulty, climbing inside as Moe goes next. Curly tries going up with him, but Moe turns to stop him in his tracks.

"_Oh no_, you don't! You're going up _last_, lamebrain!", he stated.

"Wait a minute! What's wrong with us going up together?", Curly asks.

"Because you _jinx _me, that's why! You stay put here until _after _I'm inside, understand?!"

Moe climbs up the ladder & leaves a sour-faced Curly behind. Once he gets inside the top hatch, it became Curly's cue to follow up & join his companions. He gets to about halfway up the ladder when the unbelievable takes place.

_SNAP!_

The ladder breaks in half like a giant toothpick & Curly plummets down to the floor like a living piece of lead, hitting hard on his rump. Next came a loud & seemingly angry yell that originated behind Curly, & he turns to see who made the noise. He gasps in fear as Curly finds the General, Sergeant & Colonel standing ten feet away, the latter of whom has the other half of the ladder around his neck like a stiff tie. Angrily removing & tossing it aside, he & the two others walk up to Curly, who cringes but still stands at attention.

"_What's _the delay here, soldier?!", barked the Colonel. "Why aren't you inside that tank like your other two comrades?! Don't you realize that at any moment, Godzilla & Anguirus could be ashore & start leveling the city as you mugs are stalling here in the armory?!"

"My apologies, your Colonel-ship, sir!", Curly says. "I had a little accident with the ladder just now!"

"So did _I_, in case you hadn't noticed!"

"A thousand pardons, sir! Say, could I trouble you for a boost & help send me up to the top of this tank? I'd sure appreciate it!"

"Send you up?! Oh, I'll send you straight up to the _moon _if you don't get a move-on, you fat, ugly, lazy…" The Colonel's face had changed from angry to surprised, & he pointed behind Curly as his tone went from hard to cheerful. "Say, do I see a hundred dollar bill laying upon the floor right behind you?"

"Really? Where?", Curly asks excitedly, turning around & bending down to where the Colonel pointed so that his rear end was sticking up. Once he was in position, the Colonel drew his right foot all the way back just before he thrusts it forward with all his might, hitting Curly in the rump. The plump soldier was airborne instantly, crying out 'woo-woo-woo' over & over as he was shot up into the air.

"_Get in there & get that thing STARTED!_", the Colonel shouted as Curly nearly reaches the ceiling before falling back down again. His bellowing yell was heard even from inside the tank, as Moe & Larry impatiently wait for their missing comrade.

"Where _is _that puddin-head?! He's supposed to be _here _right now!", Moe asked roughly.

"How should _I _know?! _I'm _not his mother!", Larry says indifferent. "Either he gets a move-on, or we'll leave without him & grab the glory for ourselves! It'll be _his _fault & _his _loss if he doesn't move his heavy load!"

"_Look out below!_"

Moe & Larry look up in time to see Curly falling down & into the open hatch, crashing onto both of them like a wet cement sack. The trio struggle to get untangled in a mess of limbs & rise up from the floor.

"What's the big idea?!", Moe snapped, slapping Curly on the head.

"Sorry, fellas. The Colonel gave me the boot", Curly says.

"Oh he _did_, eh? Well here's two more!", Larry said as he & Moe each give Curly a swift kick.

"Now _get _over there!", Moe scoffed, shoving Curly towards the rear. "Larry & I have to figure out how to get this hunk of junk moving – and _quickly!_"

Curly limps to the back as Moe & Larry check out the front panels of the tank, which is loaded with all kinds of switches & buttons everywhere. Curly sees the same thing where he is at the rear, & is just as confused.

"'So simple even a child can operate it' my eye!", Larry scoffed. "It'd take us _forever _to find the starting mechanism on this thing!"

"We ain't _got _forever, so just pick a switch/button at random & hope for the best, Porcupine!", Moe said.

"Hey fellas, maybe it's quite possible that…", Curly started to say as he was examining his end.

"Sit down, jarhead!", Moe interrupts him. "And keep quiet while we try something! If we _want _your opinion – which we doubt – we'll _ask _for it!"

"But Moe, I was thinking…"

"Every time you think, you weaken the nation! Now sit down & shut up like I said!"

Curly made a low & unpleasant moan while waving his hand in disgust at his two comrades before he does as Moe instructed. Finding no chair to sit in, he rests his bottom on the rear console itself, doing so on a green button.

Almost instantly, the tank comes to life & started moving – but in reverse!

Personnel who were right behind the super-tank scramble madly to get out of its way to avoid getting crushed by the treads as the Eureka 6 & 7/8s finds its first – a burgundy 1945 Armstrong Siddeley Lancaster.

The General's personal automobile, awarded to him the year World War II ended for his brave services.

"_My car!_", the General shouted as his prized possession gets crushed underneath the tank treads like it was made of tin foil before coming to a stop. Five seconds later, the tank moves forward & off the Lancaster, leaving it a twisted, flattened wreck & broken glass. Leaving the ruins of what was once a beautiful car, the Eureka 6 & 7/8s was heading for the south wall as the General, seeing what was left of his car, fell down on his knees with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Those guys ruined my _baby!_", he pouted & began crying like one. The Colonel & Sergeant stare at each other in total disbelief, seeing a man as tough as nails suddenly break down & weep like an infant.

_Heaven _help _us!_, was the only thought the Colonel & Sergeant could think of saying to themselves.

This was going to be a _really _tough fight!

**CHAPTER VI**

Like a giant battering ram, the Eureka 6 & 7/8s crashes itself through the south wall of the Army base as men, women, children & automobiles dive, scramble & scatter for cover of the Army's latest rolling juggernaut as it makes a sharp left turn & thunders down a main road. More surprised & shocked motorists & pedestrians dodge out of its path crazily to avoid getting crushed under its massive treads; some hit objects like trees & fire hydrants & even one another, while others fall off bicycles and/or dive into the dirt.

What they _all _do, however, is shout & scream loud obscenities at the passing armored vehicle, their fists all clenched & shaking angrily over their heads.

"I wonder what _their _problem is!", Larry says. "They act like this is 5:00 Rush Hour!"

"Never mind that, Porcupine! Curly, put some more _juice _into this thing, will ya?", Moe ordered. "We gotta get down to the southern east of the city in a hurry!"

"What kinda flavor you want – orange, apple or grape?", Curly asks.

"I meant _gas_, you lamebrain!"

"I don't know where the _petal _is! Help me find it!"

"Why, it's right over _here!_", Moe says, stomping down hard on Curly's foot, making him yell out.

"_Hey you stooges, watch out!_", Larry shouts & points at one of the viewing glasses. At a quickly approaching intersection, a mother hen was crossing the street with her little chicks who chirp away happily as they follow their parent. The Stooges cry out in a panic & work frantically to steer the tank away by making a quick right turn just in time to avoid the birds, thus saving them from becoming somebody's breakfast, lunch _or _dinner.

Undaunted by their sudden brush with death, the hen & her chicks continue on their way.

"That was a _close _one, boys!", Moe said with relief, wiping his forehead.

"_I'll _say! Did you see what we almost did back there?", Larry says. "We nearly committed _homicide!_"

"You mean _murder_ on those poor little chicks & their mother!"

"Yeah, & we came close to _killing _them, too!", Curly adds. Moe & Larry stare at their comrade with distaste & were about to give him a slight trace of punishment when they see another obstacle in their path that cause them to panic once more & cuddle each other in a hurdle.

They were racing down a dead end street.

Unable to prevent the inevitable, the armored vehicle crashes & smashes into the wall of the dead end which creates a large hole measuring the width of three elephants standing side-by-side, which said animals could easily pass through in that very manner with no difficulty. Before they hit, a sign was posted on that wall, which read the following:

**MONKEY SEE, MONKEY ZOO**

The same hole the boys caused on the north wall of the zoo occurs again on the south one, smashing brick, cement, plaster & pieces of metal that go flying everywhere. Animals that had been put on display in cages escape in a rush through the walls: bears, lions, tigers, giraffes, birds, elephants, gorillas, monkeys (obviously!) & other kinds of animals usher out of their man-made prisons to freedom & scatter throughout the city, forcing scared citizens to run for cover & take shelter. A tiger forces a mother & her child to their car, speeding off screaming as they do; a bear forces an entire family up a tree to avoid & keep reach out of its deadly teeth & claws; a tiger strikes a ladder which held a black man working up to fix a street light, now getting caught & dangles by his suspenders as the cat of prey tries to jump up & snag him, the man crying in terror; men working at a sewer drain descend down into the open manhole in record time to escape a rampaging gorilla & cover it up with the lid just as the ape started pounding on it with its fists; a herd of pachyderms march down a road to a factory as an employee hurriedly enters a pair of large doors & closes them as workers filling jars of thick brown liquid stop & stare at him.

"Gentlemen, you once said it would never happen, & that I was crazy to even suggest being prepared for just such an occasion!", the man said, his back to the doors. "Well, that day has finally come upon us, & all that I can ask you is, 'Who's laughing now'?"

He broke out into hysterical laughter when, seconds later, the elephants burst through the doors & flung the man aside, charging in like overweight Nazis. His co-workers scramble & race out of the factory to avoid getting stomped & trampled by the multitude of heavy feet. And _what _kind of factory could cause a pack of pachyderms come marching in like there was an apocalypse?

A _peanut _factory – the 'Cracked Shell Peanut Factory'.

The elephants chow down on the place's contents in utter joy.

Going down the new road they turned on, the trio observes the action as animals continue to run rampant on city streets. A blind man loses his seeing-eye dog before a monkey grabs his hand & takes its place. The man tells what he thinks _is _his dog returned to take him over to his Doctor's Office.

"Don't make a monkey out of me now", he tells it, & off they go with the monkey grinning.

"Well, it might not be all _that _bad", Larry said. "This city always _had _been one big zoo, with animals of all kinds rompin' & stompin' around."

"Good point, Larry", Curly adds. "They say that the city has been called the Urban Jungle. Now it can _really _live up to its name."

"You're right, boys", Moe said, cuddling up to his two cohorts. "And we've got a pair of big gorillas inside of this tank with us – _you two lugs!_"

Moe clonks Larry & Curly's heads together with a hollow sound before dragging them both over to the rear of the tank – Larry by his frizzle hair & Curly by his nose. A small table is laid out, which Moe places a map from the corner onto it. Unraveling it, he goes over the details.

"Okay boys, let's see the shortest route for us to get over to Cue Balla from here", Moe said.

"Both mutha _and _daughta?", Curly asked.

"Workin'…are you gonna start _that _again?" Moe gives Curly a slap across his puss. "Now quit clowning around, you mugs! We need to study this map, so let's get busy!"

With the map laid out, the boys do exactly that.

The boys study the map for a good two-three minutes before Moe grabs a round foot-long pointer & goes over it, pinpointing the best route he thinks they should take.

"We started off at Cuppa Java", Moe begins. "Then we went & took a slight detour over at the Monkey See, Monkey Zoo & are now coming into Noah's Bark."

"Let's not stay in this area for _too _long, Moe. They say that Noah's Bark is a whole lot worse than its bite!", Larry warns.

"Point taken, Larry. That's why we'll keep right & avoid Indy Gestion as we head for Truck On Down. Once there, well make a convoy into the Giva Dam & pass through Joe Momma…"

"Ex_cuse _me?! _Who's _momma are you referring to?!", Curly growled.

"Don't get personal!", Moe snapped back, slapping Curly.

"Hey Moe, what if we make a shortcut through here?", Larry asked, indicating with his finger. "It could save us a little bit of time."

"Nah, I prefer to _avoid_ Alldat Jazz – it'll put us out of tune with our mission. Instead, we'll go through the Tunnel of A.P.U. Shtink…"

"Oh yeah? Thanks – the same to you!"

Larry gets slapped in the face as Moe went on.

"_As _I was saying…we'll exit the tunnel & enter the town of Old Fogie, where we'll hang a sharp left & _then _hit our destination of Cue Balla, where Godzilla & Anguirus are reported to be arriving at. Any questions?"

"_I _do", Curly said. "Since those two monsters are arriving from the open ocean, why did they choose to head for Cue Balla instead of Fulla Crap? That area is _in _the vicinity of it, if not _more _so."

"Nah, I'm sure even _they _know better than to go near that area, Curly", Larry said. "That place always _was _one big toilet."

"You two jarheads aren't exactly Mr. Clean yourselves!", Moe pointed out. "In fact, _both _of you give skunks a really bad name!"

"_Hey! _In defense to all the skunks in the world, I _resent _that remark!", Curly said. "I smell _just _as good as _any _of those black-&-white squirrels do!"

"Oh, don't worry, _you _smell! _Good!_ Now put your scent glands on hold & get this thing into overdrive! We need to _be _there & ready to fire ifthose two monsters have made it ashore!"

For fifteen minutes, the Eureka 6 & 7/8s cruised through city streets on their projected course at its top speed of 70-80 m.p.h., which is a tad higher than most tanks can go. It runs smoothly considering its size & armament, & it goes to & across areas in good time. Exiting the Tunnel of A.P.U. Shtink, they reach Old Fogie in no time.

"All right, this should be good enough. Larry, make a left turn here & take us down this road", Moe said.

"Okay, Moe", Larry said, positioning the tank for its left. Turning at a 90 degree angle, the tank was right away hit with a station wagon full of senior citizens. They scream in terror at the oncoming weapon, & barely get out of the vehicle at one side in a rush before the main body gets crushed like an empty soda can.

"_Get out of the way, old-timers! Army business!_", Larry announced over the tank's mini-speakers as it keeps on flattening the luxury vehicle as the senior citizens, barely escaping death (for now!), clench their fists & shout at the passing juggernaut, being no more happier than those earlier they forced off the road.

Several blocks up, an elderly woman with white hair & a flower dress was walking down the sidewalk to the corner to cross the street at the light. Using her walking cane, she waits for the light to turn green. When it does, she calmly starts going across as quiet as a mouse. It was when she gets halfway that she notices a rumbling sound from the vibrations at her feet, & the noise was rising in pitch every second.

_Probably just the bus_, she thought.

But when she glances over to her left, she was in for a big surprise.

What was coming her way was _no _bus, but a monster tank closing in on her – and _fast!_

The mere sight of the huge vehicle getting closer made the old woman shriek in horror, & she now runs away on her own two legs without the use of her cane, moving barely fast enough to stay ahead of the rolling juggernaut.

"_Hey! Move it or lose it, sister!_", Curly said over the tank's speakers as the thing slowly but surely gains on the old lady, who does her best to keep in front of her pursuers. Despite her age & handicap, she manages to do so but still the tank closes in no matter how hard she tries. Her heart began palpitating rapidly, making it more difficult for her to move quickly enough, & the tank will be over & crush her before she knew it. In moments, she could run no more, & she falls under the rolling weapon as it swallows her & continues on course.

After the tank sped away, the elderly woman uses her strength to get herself out of the manhole she fell down just as the tank passed & consumed her. Using her arms to keep herself over the lip of the manhole, she shouts at her would-be killers.

"You lousy, good-for-nothing Sunday drivers! I oughta…!", she started bellowing, raising her cane hand in anger. Realizing too late that she needed both arms to keep her at the hole's lip, the woman fell back down again in a cry of fright before landing at the bottom with a crash.

Her next cry was that of a pleading one.

"_Help! I've fallen…and I can't get up!_"

_The Cue Balla district:_

The Eureka 6 & 7/8s reaches the area in a good five-ten minutes as Moe, Larry & Curly use the time to steer their vehicle & get acquainted with the control panels to get poised for an attack once their adversaries from the long extinct past are in sight. Being knowledgeable enough of the tank's weapons systems, they get them activated for the coming clash.

"Everything's primed & ready, Moe!", Curly said in a serious voice – for once.

"Same here. We can fire when ready!", Larry adds.

"Good work, men!", Moe said, getting the boys into a huddle. "This is it, boys. The battle to come will be no doubt a tough one for us: we're going up against two forces that make the Axis Powers seem feeble in comparison! But I know we can do it! I _know_ this, because…we all promised to take our wives _out _tomorrow night for dinner!"

The boys share a laugh at the thought, until something enters Larry's mind.

"But Moe, what if we don't _survive _this fight?", he asks. "You _know _how cross our wives get when we cancel dates out on the town! It'll be our first leave of duty in six months, & they won't accept our being killed by monsters as an excuse! They, along with our own mothers, will go _berserk!_"

"What the heck _are _you anyway, Larry – a man or a mouse?", Moe asked.

"_I _like cheese!", Curly says. "All kinds too – Mozzarella, Cottage, Limburger, Munster, Monterey Jack…"

"Oh you _do_, huh? Well, here's a nice big chunk of _cheddar!_", Moe says, bonking Curly on the head with his fist. "Now get to your posts, _both _of you, before I turn you guys into _Swiss _cheese!"

Then the radar goes off, & both Moe & Larry rush towards the mini-screen to see their target's position.

"Oh boy! We got a positive fix on the enemy at last!", Larry says.

"Yeah! According to this, Godzilla & Anguirus are close by our _own _position!", Moe said, staring with Larry.

"Closer thank you & Larry _think_, Moe – look out there!", Curly said, bringing the tank to a halt.

Moe, Larry & Curly all look out the tank's three periscopes & gasp in terror of the area outside. What they see was a ghastly sight: just 1/3 of the Cue Balla area lay in total ruins. Buildings, bridges & other structures were torn, battered & bashed away, leaving fires that have broken out in several surrounding areas. Multiple cars, buses, trains & other vehicles were blown apart and/or crushed into pieces of unrecognizable metal, looking like they had been dropped or crushed from above by a powerful force. Rubble & raging infernos made the scene look like Hell itself had arrived in Cannabeer, P.U..

In a way, it _has_.

And almost immediately, the boys found & were staring at the ones responsible for it all.

Godzilla & Anguirus.

The minds of Moe, Larry & Curly were shell-shocked at their tremendous size, even at a distance. Godzilla was like an overgrown Tyrannosaurus, but stood more upright than the famed dinosaur, measuring to a height of 50 meters from head to toe & about between 90-100 meters from head to the end of his tail. On his back were a trio row of spiked dorsal plates/fins, the largest ones being in the center. And unlike the T-Rex, his forearms were large & had a pair of four-fingered hands which ended in claws, same as his feet. Anguirus wasn't even close to Godzilla in height, but he measured a full 100 meters from his rhino-horned nose to the end of his spiked but club-less tail, unlike the Ankylosaurus he highly resembled. On his back lay a large thick bony shell like a turtle's, equipped with pointy spikes sticking straight out, which included along the sides & rear. In the back of his head were seven more spikes, only these were curved slightly forward. Like Godzilla, his mouth was filled with sharp teeth, but unlike his opponent he sprouted twin long fangs in the front like a vampire's. Even though a quadruped, Anguirus at times went up on his hind legs & nearly matched his foe in height. He did this when he was about to attack, & he does so with the viciousness of a Pitbull or Doberman Pinscher, grabbing Godzilla's left forearm & biting down hard on it as any dog would do. Godzilla's toothy maw opens up, & his rear dorsal plates light up just before a blue-white flame shoots forth from it, hitting Anguirus on his protective shell, doing no damage. The only damage he _does _cause is to surrounding buildings & vehicles, lighting them on fire & destroying them on contact.

Frantic to get his enemy off his arm, Godzilla raises his free arm in a fist & brings it down. Anguirus sees his move, & places the front part of his shell in its path. All Godzilla hits are several of his spikes, causing him to cry out in pain & wiggle his hand to ease the pain away. Anguirus _does _release his vice-like grip & makes a 180 degree turn, whipping his tail around which slaps Godzilla in the side of his face, making his vision temporarily disordered. Anguirus seizes his chance to impale Godzilla further, & he launches himself going backwards & hits his foe square in the chest at full force. Godzilla cried out as the spikes penetrated his flesh, & both monsters tumbled into another group of buildings, their tremendous weight crushing them into debris. The Monster King attempted to pry his foe off of him, but his hands were met by pointed spikes each time. He rethinks his position & fires his heat ray again, hitting Anguirus in his unprotected neck & head. The spiked dinosaur blares out a roar of anguish, & immediately gets himself off his enemy as he begins spanking Godzilla with his tail, using it like a heavy whip. Godzilla tried getting up on his feet, but Anguirus' tail kept patting him down hard like a medieval guard would do to a prisoner who disobeyed orders or tried to escape. The beast gets pummeled by his foe's tail over a dozen times before taking the offensive: upon the next lash, Godzilla grabs Anguirus' tail & pulls on it, knocking the quadruped off his four feet & landing hard on his stomach. Rising, the bipedal saurian lifts his enemy up above the ground & over his head, bringing down the monster onto his shelled back into another building that gets smashed into rubble. Anguirus gets slammed down with enough impact to shake the ground, being felt even where Moe, Larry & Curly are within the Eureka 6 & 7/8s many blocks away.

Godzilla repeatedly picks up & slams down Anguirus by his tail, each impact shaking the ground like the city was hit by an earthquake. The spiked creature was seeing spots in his eyes, & quickly curled himself up into a ball to better absorb the impacts. Disgusted, Godzilla threw his opponent in an Olympic event fashion: Anguirus crashed into several buildings, flattening them on impact like a living wrecking ball. Uncurling, he launches himself again at Godzilla in speeds that would be deemed impossible for anything of his size & weight. The Monster King fires his ray to slow down or incapacitate his oncoming enemy, but the spiked monster dodges it & races towards him. When he gets within range, he bodyslams into Godzilla's stomach with all his might, raking & biting with his sharp teeth & claws. Godzilla counterattacks in a feral manner, giving indifferent with his own weapons & being craeful of the spikes so as not to get a reprieve of last time. The two monsters go at it like gigantic sumo wrestlers, crashing into & demolishing buildings & anything else that happens to be in their destructive path. Neither opponent gained an inch nor submitted to the other's power, & their rampage caused more damage to the surrounding structures, bringing them down to their foundations in heaps of smoking rubble.

Despite being smaller in size & quite possibly outmatched by his enemy, Anguirus kept on fighting.

As did Godzilla: his tail demolishing another building, he lights up his dorsal plates & launches his heat ray at Anguirus, missing his head by a few inches but feeling the intense heat that can melt cold steel into putty. All his ray _did _hit was a large tanker truck, which explodes into a big fireball/mushroom cloud of orange & black like a mini atomic bomb, similar to the ones dropped on Hiroshima & Nagasaki. Godzilla attempts to fire his heat ray again, but Anguirus deflects it with his right forearm & causes the Monster King to shoot it down a road, scorching the cement & asphalt & taking whatever cars are in the vicinity, exploding them into smoldering heaps. The beam came close to hitting the Eureka 6 & 7/8s, missing it by only inches.

Even inside the tank's thick protective plating, the boys can still feel the sweltering heat from the monster's ray.

"Gee _whiz_, Moe!", Curly said. "Hasn't Godzilla ever hear of mouthwash or a breath mint?! That's the _worst _case of halitosis I've _ever _felt from anyone!"

"Shaddup, lamebrain! If I want a wisecrack, I'll go & make one myself!", Moe barked. "And _speaking_ of bad breath, _your _mouth doesn't exactly smell like roses _either!_"

"Hey! You got something against the way _my _breath smells?!"

"Yeah! What about it?!", Moe growled, staring hard at him.

Curly replied in a softer tone.

"Well, shucks. You don't have to go & _announce _it to everyone, you know."

"Come on, you guys! Quit playing around!", Larry said, breaking up their quarrel. "We need to stop those two monsters from leveling the city before there's no city _left _to defend!"

"For once in your life you're _right_, Porcupine!", Moe said. "You two guys – man the side cannons while _I _take center stage!"

_Doesn't he always?_, Larry & Curly thought.

"Gotcha, Moe!", they said aloud, going to their assigned posts. Larry takes the cannon from the right & sits behind it in the built-in seat, while Curly handles the left one & parks his own rear. Checking for any glitches & finding none, they announce all ready for action.

"Gun range okay!", Curly said.

"Gun range okaaaaay!", Larry says in a singing tone.

"Gun range okaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!", they all say together in a singing fashion.

"Then let's get a shootin' here, partners!", Moe said in a cowboy accent similar to John Wayne's. "Curly, you may fire at will!"

"Which one is Will?", Curly asked, confused.

Moe put his hand to his face & shook his head.

"Remind me to kill you later!", he says, now turning to Larry. "_You _take the first shot, Porcupine! Show this lunkhead here how it's done!"

"Copy, Moe!"

Larry checks the scene through the scope on his cannon, which also serves as its targeting system. It was the latest in targeting electronics: wherever the operator looks into, is where the shell will go in the crosshairs. Larry had his sights on Anguirus' head, & once he got a clear shot, he took it. Firing the cannon, he was thrown back into the seat by the powerful recoil as the shell made a high-pitched whistle through the air, heading for Anguirus. The shell misses the monster's head at the very last second & whizzes past him & heads straight for a freeway overpass. The shell detonates & destroys the bridge in the middle, with several cars that were unable to stop in time go over & crash into the opposing wall, their drivers screaming before they hit.

Larry gets up out of his seat to shake off the recoil & approaches Moe.

"W-What happened? Did I get him?", he asks.

"No, nitwit! You _missed_…but I _won't!_", Moe said, slapping Larry in the face before turning to Curly. "Go on, chowderhead! See if you can _rectify_ this idiot's mistake!"

"I'll shoot those two or _else!_", Curly said, reaching into his pocket & taking out a pair of die that he shakes in his hand which makes a rattling sound.

"Hey! What's the idea of shooting them with _dice?_", Moe wondered.

"They're _loaded!_ Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!", Curly jokes, pointing to the dice in his open palm.

"I meant with the _cannon_, chips-for-brains! Get firing, you fool!"

Curly dismisses Moe with an unruly wave of his hand & peers through his visor.

"Come on, you two! Hold still & give me a profile! Watch the birdie now!", Curly prompts, readying his shot at the rampaging monsters. Unfortunately for Curly, Godzilla & Anguirus are moving too fast for the child-natured man to get a solid lock-on for him to fire a shell, no matter how valiantly he tries.

"Hey, you prehistoric rejects! I said _hold still!_", he bellows furiously, still trying to get his targets in sight with the crosshairs but failing each time. Slapping his own face in a frustrated manner, he moans loudly in protest.

"Eenie-meenie-miney _moe!_ See? You just _can't _go wrong with _Moe!_", Curly joked, getting a laugh from the sugar-bowl haired man.

"_Fire the cannon, you idiot!_", Moe bellowed as Curly resumed aiming. When he couldn't get a bead on either of them, he shrugs his shoulders in a 'what the hell' fashion & takes his shot. Just as with Larry, the recoil knocks him back in his seat as the shell whistles screamingly across the terrain. The shell misses Godzilla's head by a mile & heads straight for a thirty-story building, blowing away the top five stories in the blast. Young women who were rudely awakened from bed screech in terror in their nightgowns from both the monsters _and _lack of privacy, getting exposed to peeping toms & run off to find sanctuary.

Disgusted by his partner's lack of progress, Moe frowns.

"You _imbecile! How _can you miss twin targets of _that _size?!", he barked.

"They _eluded _me, Moe!", Curly complained.

"You've eluded your _brain_, if you _had _one! Get over here, you two worthless jackanapes! Let _me _show you how it's rightfully done!"

Larry & Curly rise from their seats & get over to where Moe stands at the center & main cannon, the only one in the tank which doesn't have a built-in seat. Standing right behind him, Moe goes on.

"Now pay close attention, you ninnies, & you might _learn _something! It's true that Godzilla & Anguirus are two very powerful _and_ hard-to-kill creatures, according to the files, but while many a good men died in service for trying to do the impossible, it's a matter of _principle_ with me! I'm going to _stop _those two dinosauruses if it's the _last _thing I _do!_"

Taking aim with the center cannon, Moe gets Godzilla & Anguirus dead in his sights as the two beasts are in close fighting quarters, scratching & biting each other furiously. Seeing the perfect chance, Moe fires the cannon as it was now _he _who gets thrown back by the recoil & tumbles into Larry & Curly behind him, & the trio crash into the floor near the rear. Moe's fired shell screamingly flies through the city & heads for the dueling creatures. During their scuffle, Godzilla & Anguirus manage to break apart from one another just as Moe's shot whizzes right past in between them & heads down the street to an area yet untouched from all the carnage. At the end of a 'T' section of street was a wide structure with a sign that read the following:

**ROLLIN' STROLLIN' BOWLING ALLEY**

**A PLACE WITH BOTH PINS **_**AND **_**BALLS!**

On top of the ceiling were large metal statues of a bowling ball in marble colors & pins painted white with red stripes on the necks. It has served as an entertaining place for bowlers for years in the city.

Today, it becomes a casualty of war: Moe's missed shell streaks across & hits the bowling alley, blasting it to bits & pieces in a fiery holocaust that destroys everything except for the three bowling pins & ball on top. The former heads straight for Godzilla as he & Anguirus get ready for another round of dueling.

_BONK! BONK! BONK!_

The trio of metal bowling pins from the now-demolished alley strike the Monster King in the head, each one ringing a different chime – low, high, & in between. The scenario struck Anguirus as so funny that he let out one of his barking roars in a laughing manner, bobbing his head up & down in amusement.

It wasn't the _only _thing that struck him.

_CLANG!_

The large bowling ball hit the quadrupedal monster in the head with the sound of a ringing bell, & now both Godzilla & Anguirus were hearing singing birds & seeing stars swirling in their visions. The two monsters stood uneven with their tongues hanging from their lower lips, staggering like they had too much to drink.

Inside the Eureka 6 & 7/8s, Moe, Larry & Curly get up from the collision with each other & get themselves straightened out.

"_That's _the last thing I'll _do!_", Moe says, turning unhappily to his two comrades. "What's the _matter _with you two numbskulls?! Can't you nitwits even hit a pair of targets the size of the Bismark, if not bigger?! Who in all the _world _taught you two ignoramuses to shoot cannons anyway?!"

"Hey! _I _can shoot as well as the _next _guy!", Curly says, protesting.

"That depends on who the next guy _is! _And the only thing that _you've _ever been good at shooting off was your _own big mouth!_", Moe snaps, facing Larry. "And _you_, Porcupine, what's _your _excuse for fowling this operation up?!"

"Well, you see, Moe, it was like this…", Larry started explaining until Moe cut him off.

"On second thought, _don't _tell me! I think I'm too afraid to know the answer!"

Larry & Curly stare at each other in a stupefied manner before facing Moe again.

"Oh yeah? What's _your _excuse?!", they ask him in unison.

"I don't _need _one!", Moe snapped, slapping his two cohorts in the face simultaneously. "I tell ya, if those two monsters don't kill me, then you jarheads _will!_ Now come on…_think_, if possible! There's _got _to be a way for us to drive those dinos out of town or _kill_ them! _Think!_"

Curly starts hyperventilating madly & grits his teeth in a chorus of chatter like a metal stick striking an ashtray on the side. Then he begins banging his head hard on the wall as Moe urges him to 'think it up'.

"I've _got _it!", Curly says after several seconds.

"What is it?", a hopeful Moe asks.

"A fantastic headache!"

Moe threw his arms up in frustration & advanced on Curly until Larry interjects.

"Wait a minute, Moe! The General said that this tank was equipped with state-of-the-art weaponry along with everything else, remember? Why not just go all-out?"

"You mean fire everything at once?"

"What have we got to lose? Besides, with up-to-date equipment, this jalopy is _much _more powerful than the tanks we used during World War II! With us firing the machine guns _and _cannons all at once, those two monsters will either be dead or go & take their brawling quarrel someplace else!"

"An all-out _blitz! _I _love _it!", Curly said with glee.

"_Great _idea, Porcupine! At last you got a hunk of brain!", Moe said.

"Yeah, where'd I get it?", Larry asked, making Moe sulk unpleasantly.

"Never mind", he said, his voice rising. "Go on, get to your posts!"

Larry & Curly do as instructed, with Moe doing the same. Driving their vehicle closer to the two creatures, the boys stop only a block & a half away from Godzilla & Anguirus, who were now resuming their violent brawl. With a final systems check, the boys prepare for their planned blitz.

The boys knew that fighting the two monsters was no different from being back in the war, only they were going up against enemies that are worse than Mussolini, Tojo & Hitler themselves.

And for _anyone _living in the United States, that's saying a _lot_.

"Weapons systems all ready for firing!", Larry said.

"Just say the word, Moe, & we'll all be a shootin'!", Curly said.

"And the word, boys…is _'fire'!_", Moe said.

With that, the shooting commenced.

**CHAPTER VII**

Similar to a fireworks show on the Fourth of July, the Eureka 6 & 7/8s erupted in a blaze of firepower from all points: the three cannons & four chainguns on the sides, firing shell after shell & multiple rounds of high velocity bullets that could tear apart an armored bank car within moments. One hundred rounds of ammunition per second came from each chaingun, blazing away like there's no tomorrow. The cannons were no less impressive: every shell fired was like a high-powered grenade, exploding on contact with whatever it hit. And what it _did _hit were Godzilla & Anguirus, their shots hitting home this time as Moe, Larry & Curly all braced for the powerful recoil of each one of the cannons, unlike before. Even the mini satellite on top was a weapon: a beam of white energy shot out & hit Godzilla in the leg above his knee, scorching the surface of his flesh to a degree.

Every shot of the tank's massive firepower hits both Godzilla & Anguirus with the force of a person getting struck by a multitude of fiercely-pitched baseballs, kicking up petals & plumes of smoke & debris that quickly starts covering the creatures in a thick dark cloud, obscuring them from sight. In seconds, the only indication that they _are _still in the area become the sounds of angered roars & grunts made by the two monsters, echoing everywhere in the immediate vicinity, including inside the tank even as the cannons & chainguns keep blazing. The ground literally shook as Moe, Larry & Curly continue their onslaught upon their dinosaurian adversaries, daring not to let up even for a second, knowing full well how dangerous & destructive Godzilla & Anguirus are. The men will keep on firing & hit them dead-on until either they've been killed, retreated, or run out of ammunition.

In over five minutes, the latter happens: all four chainguns go dry, making only spinning sounds, & all three cannons cease firing as each one was spent. Inside the tank, a red flashing light & warning buzzer indicated energy on the mini satellite was also down & out along with everything else.

"I'm empty, boys! How's it going with you?", Moe asked.

"Same as you, Moe!", Larry said. "Every shell & bullet wasn't spared, & energy for the mini satellite is all but _drained!_"

"With all of our armament depleted of ammunition, we're in a fix!", Curly adds. "We can't even shoot at our attorneys, or worse still, our mother-in-laws!"

_Too bad about _that_! How I'd _love _to shoot the old battle-axe!_, Moe thought.

"Then let it go, boys!", he said aloud. "Besides, we hit those two dinosaurs with everything but the kitchen sink! _No way _can they still be standing after all _that!_"

Peering through their scopes, the boys watch as the thick cloud of smoke dissipating the moment the shooting halted. They were anxious to see what the outcome will be after a horrific onslaught of explosions & high-speed, powerful bullets, hoping to see twin inanimate carcasses laying on the debris-strewn pavement & that this crisis will finally be ended.

When the smoke finally _does _clear away after three minutes that seemed like forever, Moe, Larry & Curly get their first glimpse of Godzilla & Anguirus once again.

But _not _as unmoving carcasses.

Moe, Larry & Curly gasp at the sight now before them through their scopes: Godzilla & Anguirus _are_ both still standing on their own feet, looking more or less exactly as they did before the Eureka 6 & 7/8s' barrage without any indication of damage done on their hides as far as the boys can see.

"This can't _be!_", a disbelieving Larry says. "After everything we hit them with, they're _still _on their feet?!"

"Well, they sure ain't lying comfy in _bed!_", Curly said. "What's it gonna _take _to send those two to an early yet long overdue grave?!"

"More than what _this _overgrown sardine can's supplied with, obviously!", Moe says dis-satisfyingly, being as disappointed & disgusted with the tank's performance & inability to dispose of two threats who have long outstayed their welcome in the city or anywhere on planet Earth since the late Cretaceous Period of the Mesozoic Era when the rest of their reptilian brethren became extinct.

From their vantage point, Godzilla & Anguirus stare at each other for several long hard moments before they turn to face the now-weaponless Eureka 6 & 7/8s. Although they've emerged from the vehicle's assault unscathed, the armored object on treads _had _caused them both a ton of trouble the moment it arrived, shooting its weapons in an attempt to get rid of or send them deep in the ground. It was no better or different than those who tried the same in Osaka, or even on that island where Godzilla got buried under an avalanche of ice. The loathing they now have for that tank was getting deeper by the second, while their abhorrence of each other was decreasing just the same.

At this moment forth, Godzilla & Anguirus are no longer enemies.

They have a _new _common foe, & they're staring right at it.

The Eureka 6 & 7/8s.

Nodding at one another as a pair (& new partners), they start advancing upon their new foe.

"Uh, hey Moe, hey Larry…those two dinosauruses are on the move again, & I think they're heading right here where we are!", Curly said, peering through his scope.

"You mean where we _were!_", Moe said nervously. "They're after us, men…let's _scram!_"

Crying out in terror, the trio put their tank in full reverse & going backwards as fast as their treads can take them. Heading down the same road they used, the boys put the petal to the metal as Godzilla & Anguirus are in hot pursuit of the Army's new weapon that hasn't a shell, bullet or spec of laser energy left to throw at them. All they _can _do is make a hasty retreat, which is what they're now in the midst of to avoid getting crashed, bashed, trashed, smashed, & just plain crushed by the two monsters with a definite mad-on for it & all three operators inside, chasing it like a cat would do a mouse or a child would a toy.

To Godzilla & Anguirus, it practically _is _one.

Racing at speeds over 60 m.p.h., the Eureka 6 & 7/8s pulls out all the stops & doesn't spare the horsepower to stay ahead of Godzilla & Anguirus, who were surely gaining on them in distance, moving quite quickly for anything of their immense size. Every step they take was like bombs going off, & the ground shook with each. Peering into the rear scopes, the boys can see how close the monsters are getting, & it was making their hearts race.

"What'll we _do_, Moe?!", a panicked Larry asks. "Those monsters will be upon us at any time now, & we can't shoot back!"

"Yeah! We're too _young _to die…& too good-looking!", Curly says indifferent. Looking into a pocket mirror, Curly gasps at his own reflection.

_Well, too _young_, anyway!_, he thought, putting the mirror away.

Moe had to admit that his companions had good points (more Larry than Curly, but he was _still _right). Even _he _could tell that their pursuing dinosaur foes were getting closer, & pretty soon they'd be caught & killed unless he does some quick thinking on his part to save their hides now marked for death. But what _could _he come up with? Moe knew that tanks like the one they're in were designed only to fight men, not beasts that didn't know when their number was up & let the next evolutionary species take their place.

Until Godzilla & Anguirus came along, there wasn't an enemy their tanks couldn't defeat.

It's a lesson the trio are about to learn the hard way.

Fighting his own dreaded fear before it consumes him, Moe scrambled his brain & scanned the area through his scope to search for a possible escape route – _any _kind – in which to give their giant pursuers the slip, knowing their vehicle would not be able to outrun them forever, & not for much _longer_.

Luckily, Moe was familiar with the area of Cue Balla & the rest of Cannabeer, P.U., & sees opportunity in the form of a tunnel – the Tunnel of A.P.U. Shtink.

"Turn this tin can around & have us face front, Larry!", Moe said. Almost in the blink of an eye, Larry made their targeted ride do a 180 degree spin on its treads before going forward again.

"Okay, so…_now what?!_", Larry asked, the fear evident in his voice.

"Quick! Turn right here!", Moe ordered.

"Which way – left or right?! Make up your mind!", Curly said.

"_Right_, you numbskull! Now _do it!_"

Turning right on a dime with a screech, the tank heads north on the abandoned bit of highway that they used in their arrival, which is built on a slant. They barely do this in time to avoid the clawed, four-footed feet of Godzilla & Anguirus that came crashing down on the pavement, kicking up concrete & dirt & sending the tank up in a little jump before resuming on its course. Anguirus unleashes a blaring honking roar in frustration that their new enemy had eluded him, but Godzilla in indifferent. Instead of bellowing in rage, he lights up his rear dorsal spines & fires his blue-white heat ray from his mouth. The beam just missed flambéing the tank by a foot, melting areas of the road as it turns hot. The heat was still felt from inside, & the boys nearly get roasted alive.

"Whoa! _Some_body get that guy a _mint!_", Larry says, his forehead awash with sweat.

"Are _you _gonna start that breath thing, too?!", Moe says, his own forehead wet. "Quit your complaining & get us into that hole, you gophers!"

"We'll gopher broke or else!", Curly added.

"Shut up, you big baboon!"

Curly stuck out his tongue & made an unpleasant noise before he & Larry accelerate on the throttle, realizing it could go no faster. Fortunately, the tunnel was right in front of them at only ten yards away. Only twenty feet behind them, Anguirus launched himself at the tank with his front paws extended. The trio enter the tunnel in the nick of time, missing the Ankylosaurus-like monster by less than a foot & speed away to put more distance between them. Anguirus' attack sealed the entranceway with fallen rubble & barking his disapproval that echoed everywhere.

The trio breathes a collective sigh of relief.

"That was a close shave, boys, but we eluded them!", Moe said.

"Yeah, & we got away, too!", Curly adds, making Moe frown & roll his eyes.

"But for how _long?_", Larry asked. "This is only a _temporary _getaway: with our ammunition at zero percent, it will be just a matter of time before Godzilla & Anguirus get to & devour us like insects! On _top _of that, we haven't seen neither hide nor hair of our _backup _anyplace! What's _keeping _them, I wonder?! They should've _been _here by now!"

"Larry! Are you trying to tell me that you'd waver & demoralize the General's _trust _he's placed in us to _lead_ this assault on those two creatures?", Moe says. "What would he _think _of us if we were to let him, the entire base, _and _this whole city down, _just _because we've no ammo left on this traveling ham in a can, & that we might meet our demise before help finally _does _arrive? During the war, when our troops became outgunned, outmanned, & low on supplies, did _they _throw in the towel & run for home in their soft, cozy beds like scared children? _No! _They stayed & fought alongside their comrades & brothers-in-arms until the job was all but done! It was _those _kinds of soldiers that enabled us to win over the Axis, & end their 'New World Order'! Now I _ask _you: what kind of heroes would _we _be if we go & let everybody who's counting on us down? Can you actually _do _that to your fellow man? Why, the sheer _thought _of such a thing is unfathomable! And furthermore…"

"Hey Moe…", Curly started to say.

"Shut up!"

"But Moe, you don't understand…"

"No, _you _don't understand, chowder-head! I'm trying to give Larry here an inspirational speech about bravery in the face of imminent danger, & you keep _interrupting _me! Maybe _you _ought to be paying close attention & take notes on it too, coward! It _might _give you more courage! _Might!_"

"We got _company _straight ahead!"

Moe & Larry's faces became rays of sunshine.

_At last!_, they thought.

"Oh, we _do?_", said the former. "Have our comrades arrived to assist us in dealing with these menaces?"

"N-Not exactly!", Curly says nervously, pointing to his scope.

Wondering what Curly meant, Moe & Larry peek into their own scopes to see they exited the tunnel & have entered the area of Joe Momma, spotting an untouched portion of the city…and something else.

The tank comes to a screeching halt, leaving large skid marks on the pavement. Up ahead from the zany trio waiting for them wasn't the cavalry they had hoped for, but something far worse: Godzilla & Anguirus stood about a hundred yards away, their arms folded & tapping a foot on the concrete in a simple 'what kept you?' gesture, & not a very _friendly_ one at that as they stare red-hot daggers at them.

In panic & desperation, the trio put their tank in reverse again to escape back into the tunnel, but this time the monsters were ready for it & act first: lighting up his dorsal plates, Godzilla fires his heat ray over the mouth & blast a chunk of the overpass down onto it, sealing the tunnel but good. The Eureka 6 & 7/8s comes to another screeching halt, seeing their escape plan go down the drain in both behind _and _in front. Caught between a rock & a hard place, the boys started sweating more frantically, & their hearts were pounding like jackhammers.

"We're trapped like _rats_, Moe!", Larry says.

"Speak for _yourself!_", Moe snapped, slapping Larry in the face. "And _don't_ look at _me_ when you say it!"

"_Incoming!_", Curly shouted. His cry prompted Moe & Larry to check out their scopes. What they were seeing nearly stopped their hearts: Godzilla approached the armored vehicle, his presence covering their view entirely. The boys cringe like frightened little children & make whimpering noises as the mutant saurian now looms over them, living partly up to the first syllable of his name. The Monster King bends down & grabs the weaponless Eureka 6 & 7/8s in his hands, examining it for the first time up close.

Moe, Larry & Curly look out of their scopes again, & seeing Godzilla staring right back at them caused the boys to start screaming like little girls & grab each other tighter. In his firm grip, Godzilla started shaking the tank like a child would do with his piggy bank full of change. Moe, Larry & Curly were the living cents, & they all get violently jarred as the Monster King shook the tank for a full thirty seconds before tossing it away to Anguirus, who awaits his chance to bring more torture.

Bouncing like a metal rock, the tank gets in reach of Anguirus' front paws, & the spiked-back creature plays with it between his paws like a kitten/cat would do a ball of yarn. The boys' screaming continues as Anguirus first smacks them back & forth before swatting them away like a hockey puck into an empty street of buildings. For each building the tank crashes into & rebounds, it lights up briefly & does so with every structure their mangled tank hits. The scenario seemed like a violent pinball game, with the mangled Eureka 6 & 7/8s as the round metal silver ball. It keeps bouncing off building after building until a sign that says 'The Tilted Tenors' flashes, with the words 'The' & 'Tenors' being malfunctioning as only 'Tilted' was lit up as it should.

The wreck of the Eureka 6 & 7/8s made its way back to Anguirus, who slaps it to Godzilla with his front right paw. The Monster King then places his right foot back & brings it forward, hitting the mangled Army vehicle like a soccer ball, sending it airborne across Joe Momma for several streets before crashing into an empty car lot near the edge of Alldat Jazz, crashing right-side up into & destroying multiple parked used cars, crushing them like tin cans on wheels.

Only then did the boys stop screaming, & they begin to emerge from the top hatch.

First one out was Larry.

"It was a tough fight, Ma, but we lost", he said in a slurred & disoriented voice before falling backwards & landing with a metal clang, his vision just as blurred. Next to emerge was Moe, his vision in a swirl of stars & birds in his ears.

"Someone get me outta the spin cycle", he said, doing so himself by shaking his head & regaining his senses. Curly was last to come out, & his facial features made it seem like he was put through the wringer – all cross-eyed with his impish grin.

"Hey Moe! I'm still dizzy, & the lights are out!", he proclaims in a crooked voice, followed by a moan.

"Here – I'll turn them back on for you!", Moe said, clonking Curly on top of his head with a hollow sound & restores his sight.

"Quit hitting me in the head! You _know _I'm not normal!", Curly fumed, scowling into Moe's face.

"You'll _never _be that!", Moe quipped back, getting into Curly's until their noses were touching & bent.

It was the sound of Godzilla & Anguirus' roars that snapped the boys out of their state & got them alert again, with Larry rising like Dracula & grabbing his arms around Moe in fright. Moe does the same, & they embrace like a steady pair, but in fear instead of bliss. The two monsters make their way from Joe Momma to Alldat Jazz on foot, destroying any & all buildings in their way to rubble. The boys had no doubt they were on their way over to finish the job they started, especially now that they didn't have their fancy tank to hide behind anymore, which is wrecked almost beyond recognition: the three cannons bent, the chainguns knocked off & undoubtedly trashed, the treads broken, & the main body now good only for the scrap heap.

Soon it will be _their _turn to _join _it!

Moe & Larry keep holding each other close, too afraid to move or even breathe. Curly, on the other hand, was fed up with it all, & unable to hide his anger & frustration, now aims to do something about it before he explodes like an atomic bomb.

"That does it! That definitely _does _it!", he fumed.

"What are _you _gonna do?", Moe wondered.

"Those two monsters have gone _too far_, Moe! I'm gonna put an _end _to this fiasco once & for all!"

"You're going to take on Godzilla & Anguirus all by yourself & without our _tank?! _Why, you're _crazy!_", said Larry, waving his hand in dismissal.

"This is _another_ one of those raretimes I fully agree with Larry!", said Moe. "Those two monsters will knock you colder than a wet mackerel!"

"Not _this _time, Moe! I'm putting them down like the mad dogs they _are!_", Curly said.

"And just _how _do you plan on 'putting them down', puddin-head? Challenge them to a game of _poker?_"

"Just _watch _me, Moe! And this time, _you _might learn something!", Curly said, getting off the ruins of the tank as his friends watch him go. Moe turns back to Larry, realizing they're still holding each other.

"What are we – going steady?", Moe fumed, slapping Larry across his face as they release one another & see Curly enter the lot's main office which remained unlocked by the owner. Moe & Larry exchange puzzled looks at one another, neither one with the slightest idea of what their comrade has planned of halting the rampage Godzilla & Anguirus began. Whatever Curly has in mind for their dinosaurian enemies, Moe & Larry believe that he's either the bravest man they've ever met, or the most foolhardy.

In any case, his idea better work for their sakes before they _all _become casualties of war.

Godzilla & Anguirus were now only one street block away from the boys' current position, ready to finish what was started. Before they can take another step, the loud speakers above the lot's main office come to life with Curly's angry & irritated voice.

"_Hey, you two rejects from the Mesozoic! Yeah, I'm talkin' to the both of YOU! Where do you get the idea of comin' around our fair city & trashing it down to its foundation over a little scuffle?! All we ever wanted was to have a nice, peaceful day at the office where we do a show, singing some songs & do a little dancing, & test a brand new tank on the outskirts! It was SUPPOSED to be a fun-filled day which we all had planned, but NO – you poor excuses for living fossils just HAD to come by & make our fair city your own personal wrestling bout, using OUR town as the ring & ruin everybody's day, including mine! Just who died & made you guys King, anyway?!_"

Godzilla & Anguirus roared in defiance & disgust of Curly's voice, but the burly man remained undaunted.

"_Yeah, go ahead & roar like you always do! Go on & show everybody just how tough you guys really are by picking on us weak, puny humans, trashing our homes & businesses like you own the place! Oooooooh, real scary – I'm quivering in my bones right now! I'll tell you what: since you guys like to roar so much, I've got one just for the BOTH of you! Here…take a listen!_"

Inhaling with all his might, Curly inflates himself like a balloon before letting out his most ferocious roar over the lot's loud speakers. The sound was a combo of the hardest thunder & a lion's, amplified what seemed to be more than a thousand times. It was louder even than Godzilla & Anguirus' own, & upon hearing it their eyes had nearly popped out of their sockets, turning to each other before turning tail & running in a diagonal line across the areas of Joe Momma, Old Fogie & Fulla Crap until they reach the waters between the Sea of Gin & the Bay of Rum & Coca-Cola, smashing through more buildings & whimpering all the way like two scared dogs. Jumping into the water, both monsters take off like shots, wanting to be far away from the city as possible & heading out to sea. On their way out, they encounter a huge ocean liner cruise ship, where a guy at the bow was staring out into the open water & expresses his happiness on taking a cruise.

"_I'm King of the Wor…!_"

_BOOM!_

The man's joy gets cut short as Godzilla rams right into the ocean liner at the middle, breaking it clean in two as Anguirus trails behind him, neither one slowing his speed. The ship's halves begin sinking like a stone.

"Oooohhhh, they _got _me!", said the once-joyful man in a gurgled voice as he goes under with the front half of the ship.

Perhaps next time the man should devise a much _safer _method of travel.

Like flying.

**EPILOGUE**

_Yorindy Army Base, three days later:_

The Army officials assisted the Fire & Police Departments in the cleanup of destruction areas caused by both Godzilla & Anguirus in their attack, helping those without homes and/or workplaces, clearing roads, removing cars smashed beyond recognition, etc.. Even the ordinary people of the city were assisting as best they can, giving the homeless temporary refuge, food, clothing, & other everyday essentials. Even Moe, Larry & Curly were giving out a helping hand to those unfortunate enough to lose a place to Godzilla & Anguirus by doing the one thing they know how to do best above all else: singing, dancing, & doing some comedy skits for laughs to take the low morale away & raise their spirits amid all the destruction.

Taking a look at it, it was quite a mess, but they could all agree that, although severe, the damage _was _at least contained in a very few areas instead of the entire main island, or even its two neighbors over on the west coast.

They could also agree that the destruction could've been _much _worse than what transpired.

Even three days after the monster's defeat, those without places were still being taken care of but with much less hassle than when salvation & cleanup had begun. Over at the Army base, a celebration was being held in honor of those who singlehandedly rid the city of Godzilla & Anguirus, driving them out of town before more damage & destruction could be caused.

Cheers erupted as Moe, Larry & Curly stood on the wooden podium with the Sergeant, Colonel _and _General, as the latter held in his hands a gold cannon shell trophy with a pair of handles on the side & a stand on the bottom. So impressed were the three by the boys' ability to drive Godzilla & Anguirus, albeit a bit too unorthodox for their tastes, they earned new respect for the zany trio, forgiving all their past mishaps, & then some. And even though it was actually _Curly _who singlehandedly got rid of the rampaging monsters, the General & two subordinates know that they work as a team: a deed done by _one _of the boys is a deed done by _all _of them.

Taking center stage, the General signals for silence & all cheers stop as he makes his speech.

"Gentlemen, since the establishment of our base back in July 1914, it has gone through many a great deal of unforgettable challenges, war games & real battles, most notably the First & Second World Wars, the latter of which rose from the ashes into the modern world we now live in, after untold death from all sides of the Allied Forces. But only three days previous, this city fought a battle to end them all – against two menaces that were proven to be more destructive than a hurricane, tornado, or perhaps even the atomic bomb itself. Millions of dollars in property damage was caused by these two giant prehistoric menaces which once terrorized our one-time enemy of Japan, & the tolls would've been even higher were it not for these three bold, brave souls who fought to the bitter end with everything they had at their disposal. Therefore, without further ado, I'd like to present Privates Moe, Larry & Curly with our highest honor – the Gold Shell Trophy!"

Cheers erupted again as the General awarded Curly with the trophy, with Moe & Larry getting their hands on it themselves with a smile.

"Congratulations, men! You three have made this Army base – and this whole _city _– very proud! Tales of your heroics will be told for many generations yet to come!"

The General saluted the trio, who return the gesture.

"Gee, General – you _are _a regular guy after all!", Curly said, getting smiling nods from Moe & Larry.

The General couldn't help but to smile at his remark.

_Perhaps I am, at that!_, he thought, returning to the Colonel & Sergeant.

"And to think, sir – we sent those three out there to be _killed _by Godzilla & Anguirus, & yet they went & did something even _we _probably couldn't: defeat them", the Colonel said in a low voice.

"Maybe we _had _been too rough on them before, sir", said the Sergeant. "If three bungling idiots like them can do the impossible of ridding the city of two of the world's most destructive forces…"

"Colonel, Sergeant, even the _best _of men can be wrong about certain things & admit when they are", said the General. "Far as _I'm _concerned, those three are all right in _my _book!"

The men share a smile & a nod of approval.

"We did it, boys!", Moe said proudly, unable to contain his joy. "We'll all go down in history as three of the U.S. Army's _bravest _men!"

"You said it!", Larry says gleefully. "We'll join the ranks of Dwight D. Eisenhower, George S. Patton, & even General Douglas MacArthur in the Army Hall of Fame!"

"We'll be famous throughout the world as the men who took on Godzilla & Anguirus, & lived to _tell _about it!", Curly adds. "I can see the bright headlines now! Big cheers to our success!"

"Ya-_hooie!_", the three boys cheer, tossing their trophy straight up into the air in unison. The trophy reaches an altitude of about fifteen feet before coming back down, its pointed end facing downward. It hits the ground between the other soldiers & podium, exploding on contact & covering everyone in a thick cloud of smoke. When it clears, a big dirt-pile lay where most of the men once were. A few were still left standing in dazed & confused states: one was in nothing but his white shorts with red hearts all over; another wore his black undies with white polka dots; a few men were blasted halfway through a wall, their rear ends sticking out; some were buried head-first in the dirt, looking like ostriches.

Moe, Larry & Curly were each wearing large baby's diapers, booties & bonnets, being just as dazed as the rest of the men from the blast.

"Wha' _happened?_", Curly wondered.

"You just _had _to toss it up in the air, didn't you?!", Moe snapped, slapping Curly.

"Hey, leave him alone…!", Larry said but got the same treatment.

"You're _another _one! What's the _matter _with you two nitwits?! Why'd you go &…"

Moe was interrupted as the General & Colonel rose up from the large dirt mound, revealing hidden garments. The Colonel was wearing a white ladies' girdle around his body from chest on down, with matching tutu & slippers. The General was attired in a black woman's lingerie/burlesque outfit, complete with gloves, boots, & red lipstick. A bulldog face with a desire to kill was plastered on both of them, & in their hands was a handgun.

"Is _this _your idea of a _joke?!_ Didn't you morons know that was a _live shell?!_", the Colonel barked. "I think it was a _mistake _awarding your services to this man's Army! You three are all lowdown, good-for-nothing, lazy _pigs _that deserve to be sent to the _slaughterhouse _for your _meat!_"

"You're _also _a bunch of _wise guys!_", the General growled. "And we know how to _deal _with wise guys! Come on, men – _let's get 'em!_"

From the dirt mound, the Sergeant & all the rest of the base's men erupted in different garments not normally meant for guys to wear. They too were armed – some with rifles, others with handgun – and looked no more happier to see Moe, Larry _or _Curly than the Colonel or General, their teeth gritted & hands grasping their weapons tightly.

Moe, Larry & Curly started to panic & cry out just before taking off like shots, with the entire base in hot pursuit. They race down the areas of Big Zipper, Tweedle-Dum & Dumber, Duey Park, Wotta Jackass, Rhythm & Bruise, until they reach the beaches at Fulla Crap, where they temporarily skid to a stop.

"_Hey you! Wait for baby!_", Curly shouted out at sea, in hopes that Godzilla & Anguirus might hear. The boys look over their shoulders to see if their former comrades might still be on their trail.

They _were!_

Yelling out in panic again, Moe, Larry & Curly rush out into the water, running on top the surface the same as Captain Wottacatch & his fishing crew did. The General, Colonel, Sergeant & everyone else followed in the same method, all of whom shouted at the top of their lungs with raised fists & guns. Heading off into the sunset, the boys run off to find refuge elsewhere, going in the direction as Godzilla & Anguirus did days before.

It looked like Godzilla & Anguirus were soon going to have three new roommates.

Whether they like it or _not!_

**A note to the readers:**

You're probably wondering something: why is Curly Howard in this story with Godzilla & Anguirus when, in fact, he died two years _before _Godzilla was introduced to the world? Well, that _is _very much true: Curly Howard had suffered a stroke in 1946 during the filming of 'Half-Wits Holiday', & was replaced by Shemp Howard (who was the _first_ third Stooge). He recovered just enough for a cameo in 1947's 'Hold That Lion', but never fully recovered & died five years later on January 18, 1952 at age 48 from a massive cerebral hemorrhage. But remember in my own profile that I wasn't above 'bending the rules a bit' when doing fan fiction? That's what I did here: let's say that Curly _did _recover from his strokes, & went back to being with the Stooges, continuing with Moe & Larry until their contract with Columbia ended in 1958/59. I'll bet it would've been pleasing for every Stooges fan, as Curly was the most beloved of the zany trio. Try to think of that situation in the same manner as 2002's 'Bubba Ho-Tep', in which 'Evil Dead' star Bruce Campbell played an aging Elvis Presley who faked his own death & lives to do battle with an age-old mummy. I did this story in a similar manner, with Curly in good health & assisting Moe & Larry in battling Godzilla & Anguirus. In short, try thinking of this as a 'what if' story. Aside from this twist in facts, I still hope you enjoyed the story you have just read. Long live The Three Stooges! Why, _soitenly! _

**2004 MEMORIALS:**

Tug McGraw, MLB Pitcher & Father of Country Music Singer Tim McGraw, 59 (1944-2004)

Brian Gibson, Emmy-Winning British Documentary Filmmaker, 59 (1944-2004)

John A. Gambling, Talk Radio King, 73 (1930-2004)

Perry Duryea, Long Island Republican, 82 (1921-2004)

John Guerin, Drummer in Pop Music & Jazz, 64 (1939-2004)

Randy VanWarmer, Singer-Songwriter, Sang 1979's 'Just When I Needed You Most', 48 (1955-2004)

Ron O'Neal, Actor, Best Known for 1970s 'Superfly' Films, 66 (1937-2004)

Ray Stark, Oscar-Nominated Producer, 88 (1915-2004)

Kiharu Nakamura, Geisha & Madama Butterfly Expert, 90 (1913-2004)

Philip Lang Crosby, Actor & Singer, One of Bing Crosby's Four Sons, 69 (1934-2004)

Harry 'The Cat' Brecheen, MLB Pitcher for St. Louis Cardinals, 89 (1914-2004)

Noble Willingham, Actor, Best Known as C.D. Parker in TV's 'Walker, Texas Ranger', 72 (1932-2004)

Don Shinnick, Linebacker for Baltimore Colts, 68 (1935-2004)

Ann Miller, Dancer, Singer & Actress, 80 (1923-2004)

George Woodbridge, Longtime Artist for MAD Magazine, 73 (1930-2004)

Manuel Vega, Creator of Froot Loops Cereal's Toucan Sam, 71 (1932-2004)

Bob Keeshan, Beloved 'Captain Kangaroo' TV Icon, 76 (1927-2004)

Helmut Newton, Iconic Photographer, 83 (1920-2004)

Jack Paar, Pioneering Television Comedian & Radio Host, 85 (1918-2004)

Elroy 'Crazylegs' Hirsch, NFL Running Back & Receiver for L.A. Rams & Chicago Rockets, 80 (1923-2004)

Milt Bernhart, Big Band & Jazz Trombonist, 77 (1926-2004)

Don 'Hard Boiled' Haggerty, NFL Player, Wrestler & Actor, 78 (1925-2004)

John Hench, Disney Animation Artist & Designer, 95 (1908-2004)

Pat DeRosa, Award-Winning Film Producer & Director, 74 (1929-2004)

Jan Miner, Actress, Best Known as Madge in Palmolive Television Commercials, 86 (1917-2004)

John Randolph, Actor of Stage, Film & Television, 88 (1915-2004)

Alvino Rey, Guitar Virtuoso of the 1940s, 95 (1908-2004)

Jerome Lawrence, Playwright & Author, 88 (1915-2004)

Walter 'Baby Sweets' Perkins, Jazz Drummer, 72 (1932-2004)

Robert Pastorelli, Actor of Stage, Film & Television, 49 (1954-2004)

Mary Lindsay, Wife of Ex-Mayor John Lindsay, 77 (1926-2004)

Mercedes McCambridge, Oscar-Winning Actress of Radio, Stage, Film & Television, 87 (1916-2004)

Jan Sterling, Golden Globe-Winning Actress of Stage, Film & Television, 82 (1921-2004)

Jan Berry, One-Half of 1960s Surf Music Duo Jan & Dean, 62 (1941-2004)

Peter Ustinov, Award-Winning Actor, Writer & Filmmaker, 82 (1921-2004)

Art James, Noted TV Game Show Host, 74 (1929-2004)

Gene Klavan, Longtime Radio Host, Columnist & Author, 79 (1924-2004)

Carrie Snodgress, Television & Film Actress, 58 (1945-2004)

Harry Babbitt, Singer for Kay Kyser & his Orchestra, 90 (1913-2004)

Pat Tillman, Football & War Hero, 27 (1976-2004)

Estee Lauder, Cosmetics Legend, 97 (1906-2004)

Albert Paulsen, Character Actor Known for Portraying Bad Guys, 78 (1925-2004)

Bonnie Halpin, Very First Playboy Bunny, 65 (1938-2004)

Sid Smith, Stanley Cup-Winning NHL Player for Toronto Maple Leafs, 78 (1925-2004)

Mitsuteru Yokoyama, Japanese Manga Artist, Creator of 'Giant Robo' & Others, 69 (1934-2004)

John R. Lewis, Attorney, 76 (1927-2004)

Nelson Gidding, Screenwriter & Former P.O.W. in World War II, 84 (1919-2004)

Gilbert Kauhi, Actor & Comedian Best Known for 'Hawaii Five-O', 66 (1937-2004)

Darrell Johnson, Former MLB Player, Coach, & Manager, 75 (1928-2004)

Barney Kessel, Innovative Jazz Guitarist, 80 (1923-2004)

Alan King, Actor & Comedian, 76 (1927-2004)

Olive Osmond, Mother of Entertainers Donny & Marie Osmond, 79 (1925-2004)

Tommy Farrell, Actor & Comedian, 82 (1921-2004)

Floyd Kalber, Television Journalist & Anchorman, Nicknamed 'The Big Tuna', 79 (1924-2004)

Brenda Fassie, South African Afropop Singer, 39 (1964-2004)

John Whitehead, Singer-Songwriter, Had Hit in 1979 With 'Ain't No Stopping Us Now', 55 (1948-2004)

Tony Randall, Actor, Best Known as Felix Unger in TV's 'The Odd Couple', 84 (1920-2004)

June Taylor, Emmy-Winning Choreographer, Created 'Gleason' Dances, 86 (1917-2004)

Anna Lee, Award-Winning English Actress, 91 (1913-2004)

Elvin Jones, Jazz Drummer, Worked with John Coltrane & Others, 76 (1927-2004)

**2014 MEMORIALS:**

Polly Greenberg, Author & Child Development Specialist, 81 (1932-2013)

Juanita Moore, Academy Award-Nominated Actress, 99 (1914-2014)

Dave Martin, Longtime Associated Press Photographer, 59 (1954-2014)

George Goodman, Television's 'Adam Smith', 83 (1930-2014)

Rev. Robert Nugent, Roman Catholic Priest, 76 (1937-2014)

Elizabeth Jane Howard, English Novelist & Former Actress-Model, 90 (1923-2014)

Don Forst, Former New York Newsday Editor, 81 (1932-2014)

Alicia Rhett, Oldest Surviving Cast Member of 1939's 'Gone With the Wind', 98 (1915-2014)

Monica Spear, Venezuelan Beauty pageant Title Holder, 29 (1984-2014)

Tom Olsen, Former Head of Ninth Air Force, 79 (1934-2014)

Robert Quinn, Former Massachusetts Attorney General & State House Speaker, 85 (1928-2014)

Mike Strang, Former Colorado Congressman, 84 (1929-2014)

Patricia Boyle, Former federal Judge & Michigan Supreme Court Justice, 76 (1937-2014)

Quail Dobbs, Former Texas Rodeo Clown-Turned-Judge, 72 (1941-2014)

Phil Everly, One-Half of 1950s & 1960s Everly Brothers Duo, 74 (1939-2014)

Saul Zaenta, Oscar-Winning Producer, 92 (1921-2014)

Eusebio da Silva Ferreira, Portuguese Soccer Legend, 71 (1942-2014)

Jerry Coleman, World War II Veteran & Hall of Fame Yankee Baseball Broadcaster & Player, 89 (1924-2014)

John Hanson Briscoe, Retired St. Mary's County, Md., Circuit Court Judge, 79 (1934-2014)

Larry D. Mann, Actor, Voiced Yukon Cornelius in 1964's 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer', 91 (1922-2014)

Run Run Shaw, Hong Kong Film Icon, 106 (1907-2014)

Carmen Zapata, Emmy-Nominated Actress, 86 (1927-2014)

Todd Williams, Former NFL Lineman, 35 (1978-2014)

Francis Friel, Former Philadelphia Police Captain who Took Down 'Little Nicky' Mob, 71 (1942-2014)

Amiri Baraka, Activist Poet & Playwright, 79 (1934-2014)

Dale Mortensen, Nobel Prize-Winning Economist, 74 (1939-2014)

Franklin McCain, Civil Rights Sit-In Pioneer, 73 (1940-2014)

Larry Speakes, White House Spokesman for President Ronald Reagan, 74 (1939-2014)

Ariel Sharon, Former Prime Minister of Israel, 85 (1928-2014)

Pearl Kamer, Economist who Chronicled Long Island's Transformations, 74 (1939-2014)

Robert Pastor, Top U.S. Negotiator in 1977 Panama Canal Treaties, 66 (1947-2014)

Sam Berns, Teenager who Battled Rare Rapid-Aging Disease, 17 (1996-2014)

Thomas Melady, Former Ambassador to the Vatican, 86 (1927-2014)

Scott Lewis, Noted Hypnosis Performer, 50 (1963-2014)

Burton Lifland, New York Federal Bankruptcy Judge, 84 (1929-2014)

Joe Cipiti, Grandfather of NFL Coaches Jim & John Harbaugh, 98 (1915-2014)

Jack Tuell, Retired Methodist Bishop, Changed Mind on Gay Issues, 90 (1923-2014)

Arnold Pinkney, Political Strategist & Civil Rights Activist, 84 (1929-2014)

Norm Parker, Former Iowa Football Coach, 72 (1941-2014)

Juan Gelman, Renowned Argentine Poet, 83 (1930-2014)

Mae Young, WWE Hall of Fame Wrestler, 90 (1923-2014)

Roger Lloyd-Pack, British Actor Best Known for 'Only Fools & Horses' Sitcom, 69 (1944-2014)

Dave Madden, Comic Actor Best Known for 1970s 'Partridge Family' Sitcom, 82 (1931-2014)

Russell Johnson, Actor Best Known as the Professor on TV's 'Gilligan's Island' Sitcom, 89 (1924-2014)

Suchitra Sen, Legendary Indian Actress, 82 (1931-2014)

Ruth Robinson Duccini, Last Surviving Female Munchkin of 1939's 'The Wizard of Oz', 95 (1918-2014)

Jose Sulaiman, President of World Boxing Council, 82 (1931-2014)

Bert Williams, British Soccer Goalie, 93 (1920-2014)

Carlos Silva, Longtime Producer & Engineer for Yankees Radio Broadcasts on WCBS, 50 (1963-2014)

Christopher Chataway, Former Record-Holding Olympian, 82 (1931-2014)

Otis G. Pike, Former Congressman, 92 (1921-2014)

Claudio Abbado, Beloved Italian Conductor, 80 (1933-2014)

Don Engel, Lawyer for Music Superstars, 84 (1929-2014)

John Dobson, Astronomer & Former Monk, 98 (1915-2014)

Curtis Bray, Iowa State Defensive Line Coach, 43 (1970-2014)

Roy Garber, Popular Cast Member of A&E Reality Series 'Shipping Wars', 49 (1964-2014)

Steven Fromholz, Texas Singer & Songwriter, 68 (1945-2014)

W. Robert Blair II, Former Illinois House Speaker, 83 (1930-2014)

Dick Shepherd, Movie Producer, Produced 1961's 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' & Others, 86 (1927-2014)

Chet Curtis, Longtime Boston Television News Anchorman, 74 (1939-2014)

Shulamit Aloni, Israeli Legislator & Civil Rights Activist, 85 (1928-2014)

John McGinty III, Marine Corps Captain & Vietnam Vet who Received Medal of Honor, 73 (1940-2014)

Alan Vorwald, World War II Veteran Involved in Manhattan Project, 90 (1923-2014)

Michael Sporn, Honored Animation Director of Children's Stories, 67 (1946-2014)

Billy Ross, Survivor of 1960 Cal Poly Football Plane Crash, 78 (1935-2014)

Ed Hookstratten, Famed Attorney of Sports & Entertainer Stars, 83 (1930-2014)

Vicente Blaz, Guam Representative & World War II Japanese Prison Camp Survivor, 85 (1928-2014)

Jose Emilio Pacheco, One of Mexico's Foremost Poets & Short Story Writers, 74 (1939-2014)

Helga Sandburg Crile, Youngest Daughter of Poet & Lincoln Biographer Carl Sandburg, 95 (1918-2014)

Eric Lawton, Actor & Marlboro Man in 1970s Cigarette Ads, 72 (1941-2014)

Tom Gola, La Salle & NBA Star, 81 (1933-2014)

Harry Gamble, Former General Manager & President for Philadelphia Eagles, 83 (1930-2014)

Pete Seeger, Songwriter & Champion of Folk Music, 94 (1919-2014)

Herb Kirsh, Former South Carolina Representative, 84 (1929-2014)

Tom Sherak, Former Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Science President, 68 (1945-2014)

Morris Turner, Cartoonist who Created 'Wee Pals' Comic Strip & Broke Racial Barriers, 90 (1923-2014)

Reather Dixon, Member of 1950s Female Doo-Wop Group the Bobbettes, 69 (1944-2014)

Margaret Klein, Former Executive on Wall Street, 63 (1950-2014)

Ray Clark, Renown Criminal Defense Lawyer, 82 (1931-2014)

Richard L. Grossman, Publisher of Nader's 'Unsafe At Any Speed', 92 (1921-2014)

Miklos Jancso, Hungarian Filmmaker, 92 (1921-2014)

Anna Gordy Gaye, Ex-Wife of Marvin Gaye & Crucial Force in Motown's Rise, 92 (1922-2014)

Russell Hemenway, Legislative Reformer, 88 (1925-2014)

Bill Bradshaw, Father of NFL's Terry Bradshaw, 86 (1927-2014)

Maximilian Schell, Oscar-Winning Actor, 83 (1930-2014)

Arthur Rankin Jr., Animator of 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' & Other Productions, 89 (1924-2014)

Judy Martin, Beloved Anchorwoman of News 12 Long Island, 49 (1965-2014)

Luis Aragones, Championship-Winning Spanish Soccer Coach, 75 (1938-2014)

Jim Finley, Operated Boxing Gym in Washington D.C., 84 (1929-2014)

Luis Raul Martinez, Puerto Rican Actor & Comedian, 51 (1962-2014)

Joan Mondale, Wife of Former Vice President Walter Mondale, 83 (1930-2014)

Gerd Albrecht, Renown German Conductor, 78 (1935-2014)

William Clarke, Reggae Singer & Member of Third World Band, 65 (1948-2014)

Jimmy Murphy, Famed Beverly Hills Restaurateur, 75 (1938-2014)

John Cali, Co-Founder of Mack-Cali Realty Corporation, 95 (1918-2014)

Richard Bull, Actor Best Known as Nels Oleson on TV's 'Little House on the Prairie', 89 (1924-2014)

Maxine Kumin, Pulitzer Prize-Winning Poet, 88 (1925-2014)

Betty Moffitt, Mother of Tennis Great Billie Jean King & MLB Pitcher Randy Moffitt, 91 (1922-2014)

Robert A. Dahl, Influential Political Scientist, 98 (1915-2014)

Marty Plissner, Longtime Political Director of CBS News, 87 (1926-2014)

Ralph Kiner, Mets Broadcasting Legend & Hall of Fame Player for Pittsburgh Pirates, 91 (1922-2014)

Joe Finnigan, Hollywood Reporter & Former TV Guide Columnist, 88 (1925-2014)

Louise Brough, Tennis Great of the 1940s & 1950s, 90 (1923-2014)

Nancy Motes, Half-Sister of Actress Julia Roberts, 37 (1976-2014)

George Koch, Influential Lobbyist in Washington, 87 (1926-2014)

Christopher Jones, Actor who Starred in 1967's 'Wild in the Streets', 72 (1941-2014)

Charles Derderian, Decorated World War II Veteran, 89 (1924-2014)

Gabriel Axel, Oscar-Winning Danish Director, 95 (1918-2014)

Leonard Hirshan, Longtime Hollywood Agent for Actor Clint Eastwood, 86 (1927-2014)

Shirley Temple Black, Legendary & Iconic Child Actress, 85 (1928-2014)

Maggie Estep, Novelist & Spoken-Word Poet who Helped Popularized Slam Poetry, 50 (1963-2014)

Ralph Waite, Actor Best Known as John Walton in TV's 'The Waltons', 85 (1928-2014)

Jim Fregosi, Former Major League Baseball All-Star Shortstop & Manager, 71 (1942-2014)

Horst Rechelbacher, Founder of Aveda Corporation, 72 (1941-2014)

Arvella Schuller, Co-Founder of California's Crystal Cathedral Megachurch, 84 (1929-2014)

Els Borst, Former Dutch Official & Health Minister, 81 (1932-2014)

Betty Jaynes, First Executive Director of Women's Basketball Coaches Association, 68 (1945-2014)

Sid Caesar, Pioneering Comedian in Film & Television, 91 (1922-2014)

Erik Blegvad, Famed Illustrator of Children's Books, 90 (1923-2014)

John Carter, Ex-Suffolk County Police Officer, 69 (1944-2014)

George Wilson, Post-Military Correspondent, 86 (1927-2014)

Edith Metz, World War II Veteran, 94 (1919-2014)

Sir Tom Finney, English Soccer Legend, 91 (1922-2014)

Mike Stepovich, Former Governor of Alaska, 94 (1919-2014)

John Henson, Son of Muppets Creator Jim Henson, 48 (1965-2014)

Richard Cabela, Co-Founder of Cabela's Sporting Goods Store, 77 (1936-2014)

Eric Stork, Former EPA Regulator who Monitored Automobile Air Pollution Standards, 87 (1927-2014)

Chad Kellogg, Legendary Mountain Climber, 42 (1971-2014)

Mavis Gallant, Master Short-Story Writer from Canada, 91 (1922-2014)

Mary Grace Canfield, Character Actress Best Known as Ralph Monroe on TV's 'Green Acres', 89 (1924-2014)

Bob Casale, Guitarist for 1980s New Wave Band Devo, 61 (1952-2014)

Josefina Napravilova, Czech Hero who Helped Countless Children Taken by Nazis Get Home, 100 (1914-2014)

Maria von Trapp, Last of Original Seven Children of 'The Sound of Music', 99 (1914-2014)

Miroslav Standera, World War II RAF Pilot who Fought for the British & French, 95 (1918-2014)

Elaine O'Brien, Noted Representative of Connecticut, 58 (1955-2014)

John Breen, Journalism Professor, 71 (1942-2014)

Charlotte Dawson, Australian TV Star & Former Model, 47 (1966-2014)

Simon Diaz, Venezuelan Folk Singer-Songwriter, 85 (1928-2014)

Garrick Utley, Veteran TV Journalist for NBC News, 74 (1939-2014)

Lewis Yablonsky, Sociologist & Leading Expert on Gang Behavior, 89 (1924-2014)

Benny Reynolds, Icon of Rodeo & Hall of Famer, 77 (1936-2014)

Eric Bercovici, Emmy-Winning Writer-Producer of 'Shogun' Miniseries, 80 (1933-2014)

James Cahill, Authority & Curator on Chinese Art, 87 (1926-2014)

Alice Herz-Sommer, Oldest Known Nazi Prison Camp Holocaust Survivor, 110 (1903-2014)

Dale Gardner, Former Astronaut Helped Haul Stranded Satellite in 1984, 65 (1948-2014)

Harold Ramis, Comedy Star who Wrote, Directed & Acted, 69 (1944-2014)

Walter David Ehlers, Received Medal of Honor for D-Day Heroics in 1944, 92 (1921-2014)

Franny Beecher, Lead Guitarist for Bill Haley & the Comets, 92 (1921-2014)

Paco de Lucia, Legendary Spanish Flamenco Guitarist, 66 (1947-2014)

Carlos Paez Vilaro, Uruguayan Artist, Screenwriter, Musician & Architect, 90 (1923-2014)

Roger Hill, Actor Best Known for Playing Cyrus in 1979 Cult Classic 'The Warriors', 65 (1948-2014)

Ian Cuttler Sala, Grammy-Winning Art Director, 43 (1970-2014)

Roy Simmons, Former NFL Lineman, Played for Giants & Redskins, 57 (1956-2014)

Tim Wilson, Stand-Up Comedian & Country Music Artist, 52 (1961-2014)

Jim Lange, First Host of Popular Game Show 'The Dating Game', 81 (1932-2014)

Chokwe Lumumba, Human Rights Activist & Nationally Prominent Attorney, 66 (1947-2014)

Henry Casso, Longtime Civil Rights Leader in Mexico, 82 (1931-2014)

Tennent Bagley, Noted Officer of the CIA, 88 (1925-2014)

Ralph Bahna, Chairman for Inc., 71 (1942-2014)

Monica Barlow, Spokeswoman for Baltimore Orioles, 36 (1977-2014)

Jan Hoet, Belgian Modern Art Director & Icon, 77 (1936-2014)

David Barrett, Special Independent Counsel, 76 (1937-2014)

Martin Sullivan, Director of Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery Museum, 70 (1944-2014)

Alain Resnais, Noted French Filmmaker, 91 (1922-2014)

'Chief' Jayvon Felton, 9-Year-Old who Wished To Be A Police Officer (2004-2014)

Natalie Kotsch, Founder of the International Surfing Museum, 76 (1937-2014)

Justin Kaplan, Pulitzer Prize-Winning Author & Biographer, 88 (1925-2014)

Dr. Sherwin Nuland, Author of Award-Winning Book 'How We Die', 83 (1930-2014)

Jonathan Price, World War II Veteran, 89 (1924-2014)

Geoff Edwards, Hip-Looking TV Game Show Host, Radio DJ & Actor of 1970s & 1980s, 83 (1931-2014)

Bernard Winograd, Commercial Real Estate Investment Pioneer, 63 (1950-2014)

Frank Jobe, Pioneer of Tommy John Surgery, 88 (1925-2014)

Carmen Berra, Wife of New York Yankees Great Yogi Berra, 85 (1928-2014)

Sheila MacRae, Veteran Actress of Stage, Film & Television, 92 (1921-2014)

William Guarnere, World War II Veteran Dramatized in TV Miniseries 'Band of Brothers', 90 (1923-2014)

William Clay Ford, Last Surviving Grandchild of Henry Ford & Owner of Detroit Lions, 88 (1925-2014)

Joe McGinniss, Author of Blockbuster-Selling Book 'Fatal Vision', 71 (1942-2014)

Leo Bretholz, Holocaust Survivor from World War II, 93 (1921-2014)

Bob Crow, British RMT Union Leader, 52 (1961-2014)

Shawn Kuykendall, Major League Soccer Player, 32 (1982-2014)

Larry Dee Scott, Pioneering Bodybuilder, 75 (1938-2014)

Vera Chytilova, Czechoslovakian Film Director, 85 (1929-2014)

Reubin Askew, Former Governor of Florida, 85 (1928-2014)

Cynthia Lynn, Actress Best Known for Fraulein Helga on TV's 'Hogan's Heroes', 76 (1937-2014)

Hal Douglas, Superstar of Movie Trailer Narrators, 89 (1924-2014)

Abby Singer, Famed Hollywood Production Manager, 96 (1917-2014)

Glenn McDuffie, World War II Soldier Claimed Famous Times Square Kiss in August 1945, 86 (1927-2014)

Bob Thomas, Veteran Hollywood Reporter, 92 (1922-2014)

David Brenner, Stand-Up Comedian & Favorite 'Tonight Show' Guest, 78 (1936-2014)

Howard 'Bo' Callaway, Former Georgia Representative, 86 (1927-2014)

Sam Lacey, Former NBA All-Star & Kansas City Kings Center, 65 (1948-2014)

Kurt Chew-Een Lee, Retired Marine Corps Major, 88 (1926-2014)

Gary Bettenhausen, Former Indianapolis 500 Veteran, 72 (1941-2014)

George Donaldson, Principal Singer for Irish Singing Group Celtic Thunder, 46 (1968-2014)

Clarissa Dickson Wright, Vivid & Outspoken British Television Personality, 66 (1947-2014)

Rachel 'Bunny' Mellon, Arts Patron & Confidante to Jackie Kennedy, 103 (1910-2014)

Mitch Leigh, Tony Award-Winning Composer of 'Man of La Mancha', 86 (1928-2014)

Scott Asheton, Drummer for Punk Rock Group The Stooges, 64 (1949-2014)

L'Wren Scott, Celebrity Fashion Designer & Longtime Girlfriend of Mick Jagger, 49 (1964-2014)

Vernita Gray, Longtime Gay Rights Activist, 65 (1948-2014)

Robert S. Strauss, Envoy & Political Power Broker, 95 (1918-2014)

Dominic Galluscio, Noted Horse Trainer for New York Racetrack, 55 (1958-2014)

Lola Brubeck, Wife of Jazz Pianist Dave Brubeck, 90 (1923-2014)

Ophelia DeVore-Mitchell, Modeling Agent & Charm Coach, 91 (1922-2014)

Jim Stowers, Billionaire & Philanthropist, 90 (1924-2014)

William Pogue, Spaceflight Pioneer, 84 (1930-2014)

Ignatius Zakka Iwas, Syriac Church Patriarch, 80 (1933-2014)

Jack Fleck, Golfing Champion who Won 1955 U.S. Open Playoff, 92 (1921-2014)

Hideraldo Luiz Bellini, Brazilian Soccer Champion, 83 (1930-2014)

Adolfo Suarez, Spain's First Prime Minister After Francisco Franco, 81 (1932-2014)

John Love, Survivor of Bataan Death March in World War II, 91 (1922-2014)

James Rebhorn, Character Actor of Stage & Screen, 65 (1948-2014)

Dave Brockie, Known as 'Oderus Urungus' for Heavy Metal Band GWAR, 50 (1963-2014)

Patrice Wymore Flynn, Hollywood Actress & Cattle Rancher, Widow of Errol Flynn, 87 (1926-2014)

James Schlesinger, Former CIA Director & U.S. Cabinet Member, 85 (1929-2014)

Lynda Petty, Wife of NASCAR Hall of Famer Richard Petty, 72 (1942-2014)

Jonathan Schell, Crusading Author, Journalist & Anti-War Activist, 70 (1943-2014)

Ralph Wilson, Owner of NFL's Buffalo Bills & Founding Member of AFL in 1960, 95 (1918-2014)

John S. DaVanzo, Member of Mineola Fire Department & World War II Veteran, 92 (1922-2014)

Dick Heller, Longtime Washington D.C. Sportswriter, 76 (1938-2014)

Jeremiah Denton, Retired Navy Admiral, Former U.S. Senator & Vietnam P.O.W., 89 (1924-2014)

Kate O'Mara, Actress Best Known for Playing Caress Morell on TV's 'Dynasty', 74 (1939-2014)

Jack Ready, Bodyguard who Guarded President John F. Kennedy in Dallas, 86 (1927-2014)

Margaret Grace, Former President in Manhattan's Grace Institute, 93 (1921-2014)

Frankie Knuckles, DJ Known as 'Godfather of House Music', 59 (1955-2014)

Hobart 'Hobie' Alter, Surfing Legend who Created 'Hobie Cat' Sailboat, 80 (1933-2014)

Lonnie White, Former USC Football Player & L.A. Times Sportswriter, 49 (1964-2014)

Robert LaVigne, Artist who Painted Central Beat Figures, 85 (1928-2014)

Richard Black, Artist who Created Famous 'Mr. Clean' Character, 92 (1922-2014)

Robert Brosio, Retired L.A. Federal prosecutor, 77 (1936-2014)

John Francis Donato, Globe-Trotting Businessman & World War II Veteran, 93 (1920-2014)

Lorenzo Semple, Screenwriter for Blockbuster Movies & TV's 'Batman', 91 (1923-2014)

John McCrudden, World War II Veteran, 91 (1922-2014)

Edmond Harjo, One of Last Surviving American Indians During World War II, 96 (1917-2014)

Eva Ban, Woman Highly Known for Famous 1962 Beach Photo with John F. Kennedy, 94 (1919-2014)

Ken Forsse, Creator of Famous Talking Teddy Ruxpin Toy, 77 (1936-2014)


End file.
